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The .plan

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Random \ self-serving .plan blurb:\
[Deviance] Moon grins, "Soph's plan is addictive, but it's like good drugs. \ It produces orgasms of laughter. :) ... [I] can't think of anything else online \ that makes me laugh as hard or as long as the .plan. Even multitple readings \ don't diminish the appeal. :)\
--Jennifer Pritchard, 1/16/01\

\
\

I, in my \ pretension, consider my UNIX .plan file a work of art. In that spirit, I've \ put it up on the web for all to see. Warning: this thing is very long, and \ very random (and contains lots of swear words, just so you know). Don't try \ to find meaning in it. This page, the newer part of the .plan, should be updated \ fairly often, as my .plan grows and changes by the week. Note: Because of \ the length of the .plan, I've had to divide it into sections. You can access \ the first section by clicking on the nifty little orange link below.

\

\
The quotes \ on these pages are copyright either me or the people/movies/shows credited. \ Do not copy things from this page without mailing \ me for permission.
\

First part of the .plan

\

| Home |

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\

British people do everything wrong.  No wonder you Americans revolted.\

But then you took wrongness to astonishing new levels.  (In other words, you\

didn't do things the Canadian way.)  How sad for you.  I'd normally feel pity,\

but, well, you don't deserve it.\

[...]\

Say hullo to all the others for me, dahling.  Oooh, give me .plan points even\

when I'm thousands of miles away!!!  That'll really piss people off.\

Especially Fritz, that back-stabber...calling me a .plan whore, indeed!\

Simply because I'm willing to do absolutely anything to reach new heights of\

.plandom (up to and including gratuitous acts of sex).  Oh, wait.....I suppose\

that /does/ make me a whore.  Dammit.\

 --Excerpts from an email from Mark\

 Waddell	\

\

www.bradthegame.com\

 --Try it. It's sick and twisted.\

\

[Dr. S. and Wakko are arguing over a song with only two notes in it]\

Dr. Scratchnsniff: "A song has lots of notes in it!"\

 Wakko: "Sez who?"\

Dr. Scratchnsniff: "Sez-- uh-- uh-- the songs president! The big president of\

 songs!"\

 Wakko: [Disgusted] "Oh. Him."\

 --/Animaniacs/\

\

[Deviance] Libra: Of course, maybe it's a vampire cat...\

[Deviance] Andromeda: Even better.  We catch it and sell it for millions!\

[Deviance] Libra giggles\

[Deviance] Andromeda: If I get enough millions, we could just build a\

	compound, all of us move in together on acres and acres in the mountains, have\

	our computers where we can talk to each other online!  What could be better?\

[Deviance] Rigel lol\

[Deviance] Marshall: We could all RP online in the same room!\

[Deviance] Libra laughs!\

[Deviance] Andromeda: Yeah!  Liek Jamie and I do.\

[Deviance] Marshall: The room would be silent except for the constant\

	clicking of clickety clack keyboards and the occasional giggle or snicker.\

 --Becky Slitt, Donna Young, me,\

 and Jordan James. They scare me \

\

[Deviance] Marshall is gonna find an island in the pacific and declare\

	independance. Who's with me?\

[Deviance] Rigel: me!\

[Deviance] Rigel: can i be minister of yogurt?\

[Deviance] Marshall nods solemnly.\

[Deviance] Rigel: we can have a complicated court system that involves me\

	throwing yogurt at people.\

[Deviance] Marshall: is it a bad thing that I actually managed to picture\

	that in my mind?\

[Deviance] Libra: As long as I can take all my stuffed animals, I'm there\

[Deviance] Rigel dubs Becky Minister of Stuffed Animals.\

[Deviance] Libra beams, fuzzily\

[Deviance] Moon drags her internet connection with her.\

[Deviance] Marshall imagines a maniacal Sophie hopping around shouting\

	'You're out of order!' then whomping them with handful of yogurt..\

 --Jordan James, me, Becky Slitt,\

 and Jenn Pritchard\

\

[Deviance] Rigel: um, why is jordan in sword and sorcery and moorcock is\

	in high fantasy?!?\

[Deviance] Rigel: how are they figuring this?\

[Deviance] Moon grins at Soph.  "Well Rand has that nifty Heron marked\

	SWORD and he's a male channeler which could be a SORCERER :)\

 --Jenn Pritchard, explaining \

 why Robert Jordan is in the\

 wrong category at dmoz.org.\

 It's funny if you've read him\

\

[Deviance] Venus: Just don't pass Mark, or you will take over the title\

	of the .plan Whore. ;)\

[Deviance] Moon laughs!\

[Deviance] Fynnea laughs!\

[Deviance] Moon doesn't think anyone will pass Mark.\

[Deviance] Venus: I can see it now, talking to RL friends, "I was\

	promoted from Priestess to Whore! I am sooo excited!"\

 --Jamie Young, in a discussion \

 about Jenn being First Priestess\

\

that whole paragraph made me laugh. i don't know why.\

maybe the thought of you wandering around your house\

in the dead of night talking to yourself, trying to\

'perfect your southehn drawl'....and then your mom\

walks in and asks what you're doing (in french, of\

course) and you answer nothing, mom, just making some\

cookies (in french of course---and the cookies are\

chocolate chip except there's no sign of cookie-making\

utensils anywhere) and then you shuffle off to the tv\

room and turn on the tv and drool over jamie lee and\

sigourney. your mother, slightly perplexed, goes back\

to bed. *giggle*\

 --Jaele Rollins, responding by email	\

 to something i'd written to her\

\

[Closet] Quasar: French people, really, are only good at making wine and\

	eating food.  If you could somehow conquer the world by gorging yourself,\

	we'd all be French right now.\

 --Mark Waddell\

\

[Deviance] Rigel: in 1215 at runnymede, doo dah, doo dah, the nobles and\

	the king agreed...\

[Deviance] Libra: Wow. She's lost it\

[Deviance] Rigel: i don't know why, but you just made me lol\

[Deviance] Libra: Me? YOU start singing silly songs abtu the Magna Carta\

	and _I_ make YOU laugh? OK, something is not righ t here )\

 --Me and Becky Slitt. I don't know\

 why, but this made me laugh\

 hysterically. Need more drugs.\

\

\
\

[Deviance] Libra: Sophie, I think my computer burst with joy at the idea	of bbeing immortalized yet again in The Plan :)\

[Deviance] Libra: either that or the stupid NY Times got another ad with\

	too much java for it to handle\

[Deviance] Rigel: stop that. you're trying to get in the .plan again.\

[Deviance] Libra: What? Me? Never! My computer couldn't handle it!\

[Deviance] Libra: I will just sit here and eat my chocolate peacefully :)\

 --Becky Slitt after getting bounced\

\

[Deviance] Quasar: As .plan Whore, I object to points being tossed around\

	like this.\

[Deviance] Rigel smacks Mark to keep him in line.\

[Deviance] Moon: ANd I as .plan priestess agree with the whore.  The .plan\

	is to be guarded and added to with only the highest ... err lowest of\

	humor.  Not obvious suck-ups!\

[Deviance] Rigel: Ah ahm the King. Um, Queen.\

[Login: Libra has partially connected.]\

[Login: Miranda has partially connected.]\

[Deviance] Quasar the Whore and Jenn the Priestess gang up on the Queen.\

[Deviance] Rigel is shocked and appalled at your referring to poor Becky\

	as a suck up!\

[Deviance] Moon giggles :)\

[Deviance] Libra sniffles. I knew it. The minute I get disconnected,\

	everyone starts dissing me...\

[Deviance] Moon didn't mean Becky specifically, I meant in general.\

[Deviance] Rigel: now look what you've done! she's sniffling! *hands becky\

	a hanky*\

[Deviance] Libra sniffles generally, and snuggles up to Sophie. See? SHE\

	likes me!\

[Deviance] Quasar mutters as an aside, 'Holy sucking up, Batman!'\

[Deviance] Moon Gets out her ceremonial delete button.  "Don't make me use\

	this!"\

[Deviance] Rigel protects Becky from the rampaging priestess.\

[Deviance] Libra sniffles more. I'm not even IN the .plan! All I see is\

	Mark! *sniffle* I'm invisible. Nooooobody loves me!\

[Deviance] Moon loves ya Becky, I'm just protecting the sanctity of the\

	plan.\

[Deviance] Libra hides behind Sophie anyway\

[Deviance] Rigel tries to cheer Becky up by giving her a nice blue ribbon\

	with the title "Official Plan Suck-Up" nicely embroidered in gold thread.\

 --Yes, this is what we do all day\

 (me, Becky Slitt, Mark Waddell, Jenn\

 Pritchard)\

\

[Deviance] Quasar starts grooving to disco.  "He's the private dick who gets\

	all the chicks!"\

[Deviance] Libra is smoking weird things, somehow\

[Deviance] Moon: Put the joint in your butt!\

[Deviance] Cordelia always enters conversations at the -wrong- moment.\

 --Mark Waddell, Becky Slitt, Jenn\

 Pritchard, and Anna\

 who-won't-gimme-her-last-name, quite\

 randomly\

\

[Deviance] Libra: 12673 points! I saved teh day with my bionic ass! \

 --Becky Slitt, also quite randomly.\

 She wanted to disclaim this, but I\

 wouldn't let her.	\

\

flamingmarkie: (2:20 AM) You lesbians.  I swear, gay men are reincarnated as\

	you people.\

 --Mark Waddell, responding to one of\

 my Mills stories\

\

flamingmarkie: (2:29 AM) *pats you reassuringly*\

flamingmarkie: (2:30 AM) *feels around a little more*  Oh my...are those\

	grapefruits in your bra, or are you jusr well-endowed?\

flamingmarkie: (2:30 AM) Sorry, that was random and sexist.\

sophie: (2:30 AM) LOL. *pulls out a grapefruit and cuts it in half* want some?\

flamingmarkie: (2:30 AM) After it's been in your bra?  Uh.....no.\

sophie: (2:30 AM) *shrugs* *eats grapefruit* *now appears rather lopsided*\

sophie: (2:31 AM) do you pierce your grapefuit? i do!\

flamingmarkie: (2:31 AM) Argh, cap'n!  The ship do be listin' to one side!\

sophie: (2:31 AM) *capsizes*\

sophie: (2:32 AM) i knew i should have gone to those positive body imagery\

	seminars!\

flamingmarkie: (2:32 AM) Argh!  Cap'n Morgan here!  I was fuckin' the cabin boy\

	one day when I had a thought.  Why not combine my famous rum with fresh \

	coconut milk to make a series of tasty alcoholic beverages?\

sophie: (2:33 AM) aaargh! dolly parton's voice coming from the living room!\

flamingmarkie: (2:33 AM) Um, Dolly Parton is staying in your living room?\

sophie: (2:33 AM) yes. i, um, sort of kidnapped her.\

flamingmarkie: (2:34 AM) Oh dear.  So that's why you had the grapefruits in\

	there.  Trying to live up to her reputation, eh?\

sophie: (2:34 AM) well... yes. *blushes*.\

flamingmarkie: (2:35 AM) How sad.  Fresh fruit is no substitute for giant tits,\

	Soph.  You should know that.\

flamingmarkie: (2:35 AM) *looks disappointed*\

sophie: (2:36 AM) *cries* but... but i love dolly so! i want to be like her!\

	why can't i be like dolly?\

flamingmarkie: (2:38 AM) Because there's only room in this world for ONE tacky,\

	big-haired chick with huge boobs and tight jeans.  If there were any more \

	than that, we'd be in Hell.\

sophie: (2:39 AM) what about pamela lee?\

Mark: (2:39 AM) Good God.  We're in Hell.\

sophie: (2:40 AM) dibs on satan!\

Mark: (2:40 AM) Back off, bitch!  He's mine!\

Mark: (2:41 AM) *runs over to Satan, wobbling on his high heels and hampered by\

	his extremely tight slut-pants*\

sophie: (2:42 AM) *pulls a Mario-like stunt and jumps, bouncing off your head,\

	to land in Lucifer's lap* Luce! How's it hanging? *listens and then blushes* \

	Oh my, really?\

Mark: (2:43 AM) *runs up and gives Soph a limp-wristed slap*  This ride's only\

	big enough for one of us!  *checks Satan out*  Well, actually, it's big \

	enough for the both of us.\

sophie: (2:43 AM) Well then! Hop on up! *Gives you a hand up into Satan's lap*\

sophie: (2:44 AM) Wait! I'm gay! *Satan murmurs something into Soph's ear* Oh..\

	.reeeally? You're equipped for both of us? How a propos!\

Mark: (2:46 AM) Oops!  I dropped something!  *bends over in front of Satan,\

	extra-tight slut-pants going to work on his ass*\

sophie: (2:47 AM) *tsks dissapprovingly* Mark, stop trying to impress Satan\

Mark: (2:48 AM) *looks all innocent*  Impress him?  Have I?  *turns around*\

	Oh!  Why, Satan!  Look at that!  *blushes*  For a moment, I thought Soph \

	was leaning on your other leg.  But no.\

sophie: (2:48 AM) *facepalms and laughs* I can't put this in the plan! I'll be\

	attacked for pornography!\

Mark: (2:50 AM) You filthy, filthy girl!\

sophie: (2:50 AM) but it's YOU doing it! *splutters*\

Mark: (2:51 AM) What???!?!?!?!  It is NOT!!!!!!!\

sophie: (2:51 AM) it is too!! and stop overrusing punctuation before you get a\

	ticket!\

Mark: (2:53 AM) I have a permit for punctuation abuse.  See?\

sophie: (2:53 AM) *peruses it* This is a FAKE! This is your Alberta driver's\

	license with the word "driving" crossed out and "punctuation abuse" lettered \

	in in felt tip pen!\

Mark: (2:54 AM) *looks outraged*  This is a heinous accusation!  How dare you\

	insult me???  This is a valid permit for punctuation abuse!  *starts edging\

	towards the door*\

sophie: (2:55 AM) *snaps fingers and three punctuation officers file in and\

	barricade the door, casually slinging their night sticks* I think not. We \

	don't tolerate your kind around these parts, marker-boy.\

Mark: (2:57 AM) *looks nervous*  Um, this was just a mistake.  Some guy sold me\

	that!  He told me it was legit!  It's him you want!  *suddenly rips his \

	clothes off, to reveal....well, his underwear*  Oh shit.  I  forgot my\

	superhero tights!\

sophie: (2:57 AM) *covers eyes and throws up hand* aaah! aaaaah! put your pants\

	back on!\

Mark: (2:59 AM) *waves his tighty-whiteys around aggressively*  I don't think\

	so.  Now.  Move aside!\

sophie: (3:00 AM) Aaaaergh! he took off his underwear! *dodges behind one of\

	the nightstick-wielding cops* Make him put his pants back on!\

Mark: (3:02 AM) *leaps out the window*  Haha!  Mr. Bongo escapes yet again!\

	*plummets to messy death*\

sophie: (3:03 AM) *looks out window, then shakes head and sighs* *speaks\

	pompously* Wherever he falls, there shall he be buried. *speaks normally,\

	to cops* You heard me! Scrape that stuff off the street before the\

	Queen comes for her annual visit!\

Mark: (3:04 AM) *Lizzy shows up down below*  I say!  What is this poor,\

	pantless young man doing here?  Charles!  Charles!! *Prince Charles sulks\

	over* Clean up that mess!\

sophie: (3:05 AM) *Watches Charles cleaning and groans, facepalming* Oh God,\

	she'll be furious. I'll never get into the royal dog show now!\

Mark: (3:06 AM) *a disembodied voice pipes up* I always knew you were a real\

	bitch!  Haha!  Get it?  Dog show?  Bitch?  I kill myself.  *pauses*  No,\

	really....I kill myself.\

sophie: (3:07 AM) *waves fist at the air* *Homer Simpson voice* Damn you! Damn\

	you all to hell! *normal voice* You did this to disqualify me, didn't you?!?\

	You and your phony license! *sobs*\

Mark: (3:08 AM) Actually, your own ineptitude disqualified you, fool.\

sophie: (3:09 AM) Grrr! *uses connections with satan to ensure mark spends\

	eternity at a southern baptist boot camp, listening to john denver songs \

	over and over and over*\

Mark: (3:12 AM) *Lizzy has Soph executed for high treason (a little-known\

	clause from 1476 defined 'Allowing pantless prisoners to splat themselves \

	to death in front of the reigning monarch' as high treason), and she\

	joins Mark in eternal torment*\

sophie: (3:16 AM) Dammit! I forgot the Duke of Leicester clause! Added when the\

	Duke was discovered boning Joan of Arc and was then taken prisoner with his\

	pants off! And she pushed him out a window to keep him from telling and \

	ruining her saintly image! And that's the real reason they burned her\

	at the stake!\

sophie: (3:16 AM) (was Joan even alive in 1476? who cares!)\

Mark: (3:18 AM) (Historical inaccuracy at 3:00!  Fire!)\

sophie: (3:19 AM) Aaaaargh! *Ducks, but not quickly enough* God DAMN it! That\

	was the TOP OF MY HEAD!\

Mark: (3:19 AM) Well, there's no need to be so testy!  It's just some hair!\

	And skull.\

sophie: (3:20 AM) and BRAIN! that gray stuff is BRAIN! goddammit! first i'm\

	executed, and now i have to listen to john denver, and now this!\

Mark: (3:23 AM) *throws a hissy-fit*  Well, you weren't using it anyhow, you\

	tart!  That's right!  /Tart/!! \

sophie: (3:23 AM) *bitch-slaps you* PIKACHU! oh... wait... nevermind... ahem. I\

	/was/ using it! I was using it for... um... basket weaving! And\

	cross-stitching! And clog dancing!\

Mark: (3:26 AM) *takes off stilletto heels* Clog dance THIS!!!  *runs at Soph,\

	screaming, heels extended*\

sophie: (3:28 AM) *screams in terror, then whips up her copy of Marcel Proust's\

	/Remembrance of Things Past/, nicely bound together in one huge\

	leather-bound volume, to use as a shield. One of mark's stilleto heels\

	catches on the binding and Soph uses the leverage to flip Mark off his\

	feet* A-HA! Take that, you lolly-gagging donkey-washer!\

Mark: (3:33 AM) *uses innate acrobatic skill and lands on feet again*  How dare\

	you mock my chosen profession!  I /never/ gag!  It's one of my top selling\

	points!!  *takes a moment to smugly pat hair back into place*  Among other\

	things, of course.\

sophie: (3:36 AM) *pales noticeably* So THAT's why Satan likes you so much!\

	That's why you got out of yesterday's John Denver duty! you.. you... SLUT!\

	*launches herself at Mark, fingernails out*\

Mark: (3:39 AM) *preens*  Why thank you, yes I am.  Oh, by the way, you need a\

	manicure.  *ducks and watches as Soph goes flying overhead, right into a huge\

	crowd of southern Baptists*\

sophie: (3:39 AM) *bowls through the Southern Baptists, knocking them all down,\

	then gets up and dusts herself off, and looks around happilly* Oh look! A\

	strike!\

Mark: (3:42 AM) *golf-claps politely*  Time for a martini, dahling!  It's been\

	a long day of grapefruits, Satan, punctuation abuse, royal decrees, and\

	existential bitch-fights.  I'm frankly exhausted.\

 --The weirdest conversation I've ever\

 had. Me and Mark Waddell.\

\

[Closet] Rigel: btw, that icq convo is one of the weirdest exchanges i've ever\

	put in the .plan. no, no, it's /the/ weirdest.\

[Closet] Quasar giggles.  I'm proud of our work, frankly.\

[...time passes... above conversation continues...]\

[Closet] Quasar: Good Lord, this is so random.  Soph, we truly are genii.\

[Closet] Rigel: yes, yes, i know! hahahahahaahahaahahahaahahaahahahahaha!!!!!\

[Closet] Quasar: I find your maniacal laughter to be a little over the top,\

	frankly.\

[Closet] Rigel: why? isn't it appropriate? or am i confusing with mad\

	scientists?\

[Closet] Quasar: It's a tad too maniacal.\

[Closet] Rigel: how's this? ahahahah!\

[Closet] Quasar: That's better.\

[more time passes]\

[Closet] Rigel: r3emind me never to show this web page to prospective employers\

	;)\

[Closet] Quasar: They'd commit you in a second!\

[Closet] Quasar: And hire me to write for a major sitcom.\

[Closet] Rigel: could it be about me?\

[Closet] Quasar: Hmmm.  Let me think. ...... No.\

[Closet] Quasar: But it could be about you AND me.\

[Closet] Rigel: ok!\

[Closet] Rigel: oh my god. i just remembered there's a french sitcom called\

	"Marc et Sophie"\

[Closet] Rigel looks freaked out as spooky music plays over the channel.\

[Closet] Quasar ROTFL!\

[Closet] Thunder crashes ominously.\

 --Concurrent conversation with Mark\

 Waddell, on Mirrors\

\

"Well, I'm half-prick too, but only at certain times. Oh wait. Inner\

monologue there."\

 -Mark Waddell, in a conversation\

 about my being half french\

\

flamingmarkie: Don't make me hurt you.\

sophie: *snickers madly* with what? a vigorous wrist-flop?\

flamingmarkie: That vigorous wrist-flop is called a thmack-down,\

	thankyouvermuch!  It's a patented motion which is accompanied by a\

	high-pitched, squealing cry of 'Thmack-down!!'  Or, in some cases, 'Take\

	/that/, you brute!!'\

 --Mark Waddell\

\

Sirius says, "That was annoying.  I pushed the play button and no music\

	came out. :p"\

Sirius says, "Of course it was a blender, which might explain, but still,\

	it was annoying. "\

 --Dennis Higbee\

\

Andromeda says, "See, Jeff doesn't get any points because all of the witty\

	stuff he says relates to baseball."\

Regulus sniffs.  "Not all of it.  I'm occasionally witty in a neutral\

	setting."\

Libra says, "It sounds like a wine description. 'Occasionally witty in a\

	neutral setting, with overtones of fruit'"\

Regulus smiles, "No, that would be Mark. :)"\

Sirius thinks with Mark the fruit is more up front.  Like, "Fruity with\

	occassional sharp wit."  I'd hate to think what kind of wine I'd make.\

Regulus smiles, "You'd probably make vinegar, Dennis. :)"\

Libra giggles. "No, Dennis is tequila"\

Moon laughs and imagines Mark would be fruit punch more than wine.\

 --Donna Young, Becky Slitt,\

 Jeff Watson, Dennis Higbee,\

 Jenn Pritchard\

\

Andromeda exclaims, "Mark!  You sick sick person!"\

Quasar exclaims, "What'd I do?!?!"\

Andromeda was reading the .plan.\

Rigel says, "oh dear. she must have hit that icq conversation."\

Andromeda says, "Yes.  I did."\

Rigel says, "i thought of censoring that. but i'm generally against\

	censorship."\

Quasar giggles.  Ahh yes.  But why am I the only sick person??\

Andromeda says, "You know, I get this feeling sometimes.  Like I'm this\

	really cutting edge type person with a nicely twisted mind.  And I\

	read that and it makes me blush.  You're ruining my self image."\

 --Donna Young, Mark Waddell, and\

 me\

	\

Rigel exclaims, "aargh! aaaargh! my kingdom for a t1!!!! for CABLE! For\

	DSL!"\

Regulus asks, "Which kingdom would that be?"\

Rigel says, "um .mercia"\

Zosma says, "Why the kingdom of .plan, which borders The Very Bad Place."\

Rigel asks, "where is the Very Bad Place?"\

Andromeda points to Mark.\

Quasar vogues.\

Andromeda says, "Mark a 10 foot perimeter around him.  There it is."\

Regulus says, "Mark being the Lord High Master of the Bad Place."\

Andromeda pictures Mark in a dominatrix type get up and cringes.  I did\

	not need that.\

Quasar adjusts the requisite pointy hat which all Lord High Masters of the\

	Very Bad Place must wear.\

Zosma says, "I htouhgt he was court jester of the very bad place."\

Rigel asks, "he has a ten foot perimiter around him?"\

Rigel pokes Mark with a 10 1/2 foot pole\

Quasar says, "Wait, this isn't a pointy hat....it's a sex toy.  Good\

	grief. Soph, I found your sex toy."\

 --Me, Jeff Watson, Brian Culver,\

 Donna Young, and Mark Waddell\

\

Quasar eyes Soph.  You're babbling.\

Quasar smacks Soph helpfully.\

Rigel exclaims, "i am not!"\

Zosma smiles, "oooh Smack her again! :)"\

Rigel pokes mark with that stick.\

Rigel drops into a defensive crouch\

Rigel exclaims, "watch out i have a pointy stick!"\

Quasar circles Soph warily.\

Rigel feints.\

Regulus shakes his head.  "I honestly, and I'm not just saying this to try\

	and make the .plan, read that as 'Rigel drops into a defensive\

	crotch'."\

Rigel LOL\

Rigel says, "love the disclaimer"\

Quasar laughs!\

Zosma asks, "What exactly is a defesive crotch?"\

Regulus does not want to know, but Mark could probably tell us, being the\

	Lord High Master of the Bad Place.\

Quasar assumes a lecturing tone.  "A defensive crotch is .... no, I'm\

	sorry. You wouldn't understand."\

 --Mark Waddell, me, Brian\

 Culver, Jeff Watson\

\

"I think about my boss' legs a lot. [...] He's a man, but they're awfully\

smooth and shiny. [..] I can't figure out if he's a swimmer, if he's gay,\

or European. [..] His name is Rene. [..] Maybe he's a French gay European\

swimmer."\

 --Kirsten\

\

"Just think of all the excitement. You may or may not reach home."\

 --Kumar Hate, telling me to get\

 a beer even though I had to drive \

\

Dust bunnies rise from under the furniture to envelop Levi's comatose\

	form, leaving behind a small pile of musty lint.\

Libra just shrugs and heads off to sleep. Good night! :)\

Libra falls asleep.\

Quasar rushes over to the Levi lint and collapses beside it, sobbing.\

	"No! Nooo!"  He gently cradles the lint in his arms, rocking back\

	and forth.\

Moon facepalms\

Rigel patpats Mark, blowing into a hankie. "It's... It's ok Mark... he\

	wouldn't have wanted you to cry..."\

Moon says, "Watch out Mark or Becky will suffer the same fate.  Those dust\

	bunnies are relentless."\

Quasar looks up, stricken with grief.  "It's those damned dust bunnies,"\

	he chokes out.  Slowly, deliberately, he ties a ragged piece of\

	cloth around his forehead, then paints war emblems on his face\

	with black charcoal.  "No more!" he screams, brandishing a knife.\

	"No more will we be prey to these foul vermin!" \

Rigel hands Mark a katana. \

Quasar frantically looks around for dust bunnies, waving his katana\

	menacingly.\

Moon whispers to Sophie, "Don't tell him that dust bunnies multiply when\

	you chop them up."\

Moon cackles madly.  "You cannot kill the dust bunnies you fool!!"\

Quasar eyes Jenn suspiciously.  "You're one of them, aren't you??"  He\

	charges at her, screaming.\

Dust bunnies rise from under the furniture to envelop Libra's comatose\

	form, leaving behind a small pile of musty lint.\

Moon exclaims, "Look! they got Becky!!"\

Moon says, "That's what you get for taking your eyes off of them.""\

Quasar's eyes widen, and he falls to his knees, howling in grief.\

Quasar exclaims, "Why, God??  Why??!" \

Moon disappears into a fog of dust bunnies.  "Come to me my children!" \

Quasar blows Jenn up with a nuclear device.\

Moon exclaims, "Ouch!  Don't *do* that!"\

Quasar says, "Well, you were allied with the dust bunnies."\

Moon exclaims, "But but, they're so cute!"\

Quasar exclaims, "They engulf people and steal their bodies!!" \

Moon exclaims, "They only take them off to big comfy beds so they don't\

	have to sleep on the floor!" \

Quasar ohs.  Looks somewhat ashamed.  "Sorry about the nuclear explosion,\

	then."\

Moon dusts off the nuclear fallout.  "That's ok Mark, we all make\

	mistakes." \

 --Mark Waddell, Jenn Pritchard,\

 myself, and a comatose Levi and\

 Becky \

\

Quasar worships the plan.\

Rigel says, "no, that's jenn's job. you're the whore."\

Quasar says, "Oh, right.  What should I do, then?  Stand here and look\

	pretty? I always do that."\

Rigel says, "no, obviously, you should sleep with the.plan."\

Moon snickers :)\

Moon will embroider you holy sheets inscribed with portions of the plan in\

	it my son so that you might sleep with the plan\

Quasar laughs.  Oh God, what an image.  Jenn as this crazy old woman,\

	sewing silk sheets for the whore.\

Rigel exclaims, "hey! don't insult Jenn that way!" \

Moon cackles quietly and mutters plan quotes to herself as she sews.\

Quasar points.  See!  She is!\

Moon babbles over her sheets, "... wild poodles ... Bad place ... ass\

	pirates..."\

Rigel says, "i tell you, don't insult her. she controlls the dust\

	bunnies."\

Rigel ROTFLHAO \

Quasar ROTFL\

Quasar wipes away a tear.  Oh my.\

Moon doesn't hear the laughter as she's lost to the plan.  " ... sparkly\

	hot pants ...fruit punch ... dust bunnies" \

Quasar giggles!  Well, we've done it.  Driven Jenn crazy.\

Rigel whoo and hi5's Mark.\

Moon drools on herself in the corner. \

 --Mark Waddell, Jenn Pritchard\

 and myself\

\

Dust bunnies rise from under the furniture to envelop Marshall's comatose\

	form, leaving behind a small pile of musty lint.\

Rigel says, "oh god. it's the dust bun nies again"\

Libra revs up the Holy Dustbuster!\

Moon exclaims, "Yay!!!"\

Quasar leaps into Becky's arms, screaming.\

Libra holds up Mark with one arm, valiantly wielding the Holy Dustbuster\

	with the other. "Fear Not! I will save you!"\

Venus exclaims, "Hey, we could make the Dust Bunnies start ding a ding\

	dang my dang a long ling long!"\

Quasar sobs quietly into Becky's shoulder.\

Moon exclaims, "You all leave my dust bunnies alone! They're cute and\

	harmless!"\

Libra revs the dustbuster and prepares to buckle swash and kick butt\

Andromeda says, "Not to be confused with buckling squash.  Which just gets\

	messy." \

[...]\

Libra turns to Mark, very seriously. "Mark, it's time...I think you 're\

	ready to have this. I entrust you with teh Holy Dustbuster of\

	Doom. Use it well, and wisely, my son."\

Rigel facepalms.\

Quasar falls to his knees, crying softly in gratitude. \

Quasar promptly abuses his new-found power by sucking Soph into the\

	Dustbuster.\

Libra places her hand on Mark's head. "You are our only hope now.\

	Farewell, my son." \

Libra fades away :) Good night all!\

Rigel aaaarghs\

Libra falls asleep. \

Rigel exclaims, "ack! she's going to be eaten! ack!" \

Quasar exclaims, "Quick!  Defend her body!"\

Venus says, "We do have the power to obliterate the Dust Bunnies if it is\

	desired"\

Quasar exclaims, "Shyah, that's what the Dustbuster of Doom is for, dude!"\

Andromeda watches as the Holy Dustbuster starts to rumble.  Shuddering\

	slowly at first.  Then more and more violently.  Until *spwish!*\

	It blows holy water all over Mark in an attempt to save his\

	wretched soul and spends itself utterly.  Suddenly there is no\

	Holy Dustbuster.  Just some funky electric toothbrush.\

Moon sniffles, "My poor little bunnies"\

Quasar looks down at himself, dazed.  "It....just ejaculated on me," he\

	observes.  "I'm.....wet."\

Andromeda laughs!\

Moon blinks! \

Quasar takes a bow.  "Thank you!  You've been great!  I'll be here all\

	week!"\

Rigel helps Jenn blink.\

Anna never, -ever- wants to see the lines 'My poor little bunnies' and\

	'it...just ejaculated on me' coupled together again. Ever;) \

Dust bunnies rise from under the furniture to envelop Libra's comatose\

	form, leaving behind a small pile of musty lint.\

Rigel exclaims, "aaaaargh!"\

Quasar says, "Oh crap.  They got Becky." \

Moon muhahahahahas!\

Quasar despondantly brushes his teeth with the former Holy Dustbuster of\

	Doom. \

Andromeda says, "Hmmm... I think I'll skip the formal definition of\

	strange and just point to Mark."\

Rigel says, "i ... i can't have faith in anything anymore..."\

Rigel sobs on Mark's shoulder. \

Quasar comforts Soph.  "She died a brave death.  Sleeping.  But sleeping\

	bravely."\

Rigel sobs. "But if they got Becks, how can we hope to survive?" \

Yang says, "if we all die at the same time, the dust bunnies will gorge\

	themselves to death." \

Quasar eyes Yang.  "Good plan.  You go first."\

Andromeda exclaims, "Oh!  This is true!"\

Yang exclaims, "What? my plan! my plan!"\

Moon wails in the corner.\

Andromeda says, "We'll have to forge a suicide pact." \

Rigel continues sobbing.\

Andromeda says, "Oooh!  Wait!  Yang...  You have such a big brain, I'm\

	certain that the bunnies would gorge themselves to death on brain\

	alone.  You'll have to submit to a labotomy." \

Yang says, "then that will reduce my effectiveness at removing the dust\

	bunny threat."\

Andromeda says, "No, that will completely eliminate the threat."\

Andromeda exclaims, "Someone do the labotomy!  Quickly!" \

Quasar exclaims, "Someone fetch my tools!"\

Quasar waves hunchbacked Soph into motion.\

Andromeda fetches the chainsaw and the kitchen tongs!\

Yang fetches the rubber chicken and the Family Size tub of Mustard.\

Andromeda also fetches a tarp and hides under it.\

Quasar smiles fondly at Yang.  "No, Fun Time comes later."\

Quasar fires up the chainsaw.\

vAndromeda doesn't want to know what kind of fun Mark would have with a\

	rubber chicken and a tub of mustard.\

Yang puts the rubber chicken on the grill.. "Get yer red hots!!!" \

Rigel joins Fritz under the tarp.\

Quasar accidentally sets the tarp on fire.\

Yang joins potbellied pig and elephant DNA under the tarp.\

Andromeda throws the flaming tarp on Yang.\

Andromeda baps Yang around a little with the rubber chicken.\

Rigel gets a new tarp and hides under that.\

 --Um... me, Mark, Jenn, Becky,\

 Donna, Jamie, Yang, and Anna\

\

Levi sits himself all cherry-like next to Anna and waggles his eyebrows.\

Anna perches on Levi, giggles.\

Levi exclaims, "Ow... careful of my stem!"\

Anna coughs.\

Quasar oh mys.\

Rigel boggles.\

Levi asks, "Er... you know, cherries have stems?"\

Levi blushes... well, cherry red.\

Anna grins.\

Rigel says, "than you, levi. you just made me laugh harder than i have in\

	days."\

Levi grins at Sophie. "Aha, another plan point?"\

Rigel says, "indeedy."\

Levi bows. "See, I can do the double entendre thing too."\

Quasar applauds politely.\

 --Levi Pearson, Anna, me, and\

 Mark Waddell.\

\

[Twink] Quasar glowers.  Bad Jenn!\

[Twink] Moon: Sorry I was busy!\

[Twink] Quasar: Soph and I are simply trying to be difficult.  Is that so\

	hard to deal with??\

[Twink] Moon: Yes.\

 --Mark Waddell chastising Jenn\

 Pritchard\

\

From afar, Nuada pursues you, smacking repeatedly. Bad lesbian! Bad! No\

	lesbian treats for you!\

Long distance to Nuada: Israfel runs around like a chicken with its head\

	cut off. Ack! Ack! I'll be good! I'll be good! I wanna lesbian treat!\

Nuada pages: Frankly, you don't deserve one. *hides lesbian treats*\

Long distance to Nuada: Israfel looks horribly, horribly sad. Not even\

	one? A small one?\

Nuada pages: No. Bad lesbian!\

Long distance to Nuada: Israfel looks even more horribly sad. You're mean.\

	Gay men aren't supposed to be mean! *slaps you around*\

Nuada pages: Hello? We're giant bitches! Giant 15-foot-tall bitches with\

	high-heels and glittery eyelashes! Or at least, that's what my inner \

	bitch looks like. Say hello, Inner Bitch! *Inner Bitch emerges to\

	smack you down. 'Take /that/, you brute!'*\

 --Mark Waddell and myself\

\

This summer we were sent a message which was not to be deleted because it\

is actually reconfiguring ella. By accident, I deleted mine and therefore\

need someone to fwd me theirs.\

 --Email sent to the all-student\

 list of Mills College, apparently\

 by a very confused user. (Ella is\

 the Mills server)\

\

[Deviance] Sirius: Sophie!  How's life in the land of the short, pale,\

	and impossibly cultured? :)\

[Deviance] Zosma: She's in the land of Yogurt? \

 --Dennis Higbee and Brian Culver\

\

[Deviance] Sirius: That could be a song.  "It's good to have a piano."\

	Of course, it would probably be a stupid song. :)\

[Deviance] Zosma: It'd be Pythonesque :)\

[Deviance] Sirius: The Even Less The Noel Coward Song? :)\

[Deviance] Rigel laughs!!\

[Deviance] Rigel: "isn't it awfully nice to have a..." uh, nevermind.\

[Deviance] Sirius: Piano?  What's wrong with a piano?  Besides the\

	difficulty walking of course... :) \

[Deviance] Rigel: isn't it awfully good to have a piano... isn't it\

	awfully nice to have a... uh...\

[Deviance] Sirius: Key?\

[Deviance] Rigel snorts with laughter.\

[Deviance] Zosma: Wait, are we talking upright or grand?\

 --Dennis, Brian, and\

 myself\

\

[Deviance] Rigel: i seem to have stopped having recurring nightmares...\

	*crosses fingers*\

[Deviance] Zosma: Oooh, did you like dream that you were in France, only\

	everyone spoke swahili, and there was this guy chasing after you,\

	threateneing to impale you with the Eifell Tower? \

 --Brian and myself\

\

scrawllins: i miss ebay\

Sasha131: ::patpat::  you'll be back in cube land in no time\

scrawllins: why do i miss cubeland??\

Sasha131: um.  it reminds you of the womb?\

 --Nicole and myself\

\

[Closet] Quasar: All French people are inherently bisexual, though.\

[Closet] Rigel: how do you know?\

[Closet] Quasar: I know.\

[Closet] Rigel: that's a state secret!!\

[Closet] Quasar: Please.  Everyone knows.\

[Closet] Rigel: goddamn russian spies.\

[Closet] Quasar nods knowingly.\

[Closet] Rigel: wait. does that mean i'm one fourth bisexual? i'm\

	quadrisexual??\

[Closet] Rigel: how does that work??\

[Closet] Quasar: Surprise!\

[Closet] Quasar: Don't ask me, you weirdo.\

[Closet] Rigel tries to figure it out. i like to have sex in quadrigas??\

[Closet] Quasar giggles madly. \

 --Mark and myself\

\

[Diane Keaton is being seduced by a man with bad teeth. He has her against\

a piano.]\

\

Man:   "Your skin! It is so beautiful!"\

Diane: [breathily] "Yes I know it covers my entire body!"\

Man:  "Ooooh, Sonya! I must have you!"\

Diane: "No no, not here, not on the piano it's a rented piano!"\

 --Woody Allen's /Love and Death/\

\

scrawllins: they're going to teach me to write string quartets\

scrawllins: then i'll be full of useful skills\

Sasha131: it's a useful skill\

Sasha131: you never know when you're going to have to..lull your captors\

to sleep with an orginal composition.  and then sneak out of the castle to\

run to saftey.\

 --Nicole\

\

"Less plot, more porn."\

 --A coworker of Nicole's\

 after watching a bad horror\

 movie. This quote brought to you\

 by Nicole.\

\

"Can't talk. Coming down."\

 --Lisa Simpson\

\

"Speak in French when you can't remember the English for a thing-- turn\

out your toes as you walk-- and remember who you are!"\

 --The Red Queen, Lewis Carroll's\

 /Through the Looking Glass/\

\

[Twink] Andromeda would almost do an invite only Kay game.\

[Twink] Andromeda: We could run one world/plot at a time.\

[Twink] Moon: Arbonne!\

[...]\

[Twink] Sirius would be a troubadour.  The worst troubadour in Arbonne!\

[Twink] Moon giggles!\

[Twink] Sirius would sing nothing but Ramones songs!  And "Gary's Got a\

	Boner" by the Replacements! \

 --Donna, Jenn,\

 and Dennis \

\

[Deviance] Rigel: hrm. must recreate deleted chars\

[Deviance] Sirius nods.  You were Arden, right?\

[Deviance] Rigel: Why yes.\

[Deviance] Sirius grins evilly.  Do you know that you were just declared\

	Queen by a splinter goup of Meriaven supporters? :)\

[Deviance] Rigel LOL! \

 --Dennis and me. This is\

 what happens when you don't pay\

 attention to RPGs for a while.\

\

"For instance, over the last few months I've lost ten pounds." [pause.]\

"/Where/ did they go?"\

 --Bill Clinton, giving a speech,\

 referring to Republicans' \

 unanswered questions about him\

\

[Deviance] Sirius is sorry Soph, but I got five bucks on Mark in a\

	catfight.\

[Deviance] Zosma: I dunno.  My money's on Sophie.  French fight dirty.\

[Deviance] Rigel: Thank you Brian :)\

[Deviance] Sirius: Well, why don't you put your cash where your fingers\

	are. :)\

[Deviance] Rigel edges away slowly.\

[Deviance] Rigel: I will not make the joke that Mark would have made. I\

	am not Mark's surrogate.\

[Deviance] Regulus: And Sophie wins a point for Gutter Wiz with that\

	innuendo-find. :)\

[Deviance] Sirius: Besides, isn't Mark French Canadian?  They fight dirty\

	with hockey sticks. :)\

[Deviance] Zosma: Yeah, but look at the .plan.  Sophies' got psycosis on\

	her side :) \

 --Dennis, Brian,\

 myself, Jeff\

\

	"Bobby Brown Goes Down"\

\

Hey there people, I'm Bobby Brown\

They say I'm the cutest boy in town\

My car is fast, my teeth is shiny\

I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie\

Here I am at a famous school\

I'm dressing sharp and I'm acting cool\

I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper\

Let her do all the work and maybe later I'll rape her\

\

Oh God, I am the American Dream\

I do not think, I'm too extreme\

And I'm a handsome son of a bitch\

I'm gonna get a good job and be real rich\

\

Women's liberation came creeping all across the nation\

I tell you, people, I was not ready\

When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddy\

She made a little speech then\

Ah, she tried to make me say when\

She had my balls in a vise but she left the dick\

I guess it's still hooked on but now it shoots too quick\

\

Oh God, I am the American Dream\

But now I smell like vaseline\

And I'm a miserable son of bitch\

Am I a boy or a lady, I don't know which\

\

So I went out and bought me a leisure suit\

I jiggle my change, but I'm still kinda cute\

Got a job doing radio promo\

And none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo\

Eventually me and a friend\

Sorta drifted along into S & M\

I can take about an hour on the tower of power\

As long as I gets a little golden shower\

\

Oh God, I am the American Dream\

With a spindle up my butt til it makes me scream\

I'll do anything to get ahead\

I lay awake nights thinking "thank you, Fred"\

Oh God, oh God, I'm so fantastic\

Thanks to Freddy, I'm a sexual spastic\

And my name is Bobby Brown\

Watch me now, I'm going down...\

And my name is Bobby Brown\

Watch me now, I'm going down...\

 --Frank Zappa\

\

Sasha131: hm.  did i tell you that ratty is my manager now?\

scrawllins: no. that must be odd?\

Sasha131: only kinda\

Sasha131: in that "hey, i've seen you do a naked pole dance and now you're\

	my superior" sort of way\

 --Nicole\

\

Sasha131: [blank] isn't a real person anyway\

scrawllins: LOL\

scrawllins: how's that?\

Sasha131: i dunno.  i jsut decided that a while back\

Sasha131: i sound like i hate her.  heh.\

scrawllins: what is she then? a collection of bones with red hair?\

Sasha131: she is a conspiracy of cartographers\

Sasha131: much like england\

 --Nicole
\

 
\

[Deviance] Rigel: it's $10! the price of a cd! ok a used one!\

[Deviance] Regulus: I mean, it's France?  What else is there to do\

	besides hole yourself up and read?  It's not like there's any culture\

	there or anything. :)\

[Deviance] Rigel: three hours online!\

[Deviance] Regulus: That first part wasn't a question.  I -know- it's\

	France. :)\

[Deviance] Annalina: $10 could buy you a weeks worth of pork \

 --Gina and Jeff,\

 in a conversation about my buying\

 a book\

\

[Deviance] Andromeda: Whoring for the .plan.  Another great band name.\

[Deviance] Rigel: my poor innocent plan...\

[Deviance] Libra: NO, that's an album name :) And why dont' we have plan\

	points anynmore?\

[Deviance] Zosma: Whoring for the plan would be a great album name.\

[Deviance] Annalina hopes you all wear protection while whoring..after\

	all, you don't know where this .plan has been..\

[Deviance] Rigel: my .plan isn't promiscuous! ok, it is.\

[Deviance] Andromeda: Elitist Swine, _Whoring for the .plan_\

[Deviance] Zosma: Oh yes we do.  That's why we use double the protection. \

 --Donna, myself, Becky, Brian, Gina\

\

[from Admin's Lounge] Eridanus exclaims, "Don't think of it as change,\

think of it as augmented sameness!" \

 --Levi, encouraging me\

 to convert to ColdCore\

\

[Closet] Quasar: I'm afraid so.  But then, you're a dyke.  You were born\

	to melodrama.\

[Closet] Rigel: oh come now. fags are much more inherently melodramatic.\

[Closet] Quasar: I beg to differ.  We simply suffer from an inferiority\

	complex.  I mean.../women/ are better than us at something.  It's\

	horrifying. So we try to exaggerate our own melodrama. \

 --Mark\

\

scrawllins: hostess cakes do not exist in france\

Sasha131: clearly the french lack the civilization needed to produce\

	snacks with a half life\

 --Nicole\

\

Sasha131: off topic - my coworkers have taken to calling another cp\

	employee "that bitch"\

Sasha131: without any other name.  and they keep saying things like "look\

	at that bitch over there.  breathing.  i hate him"\

scrawllins: is it one particular employee?\

Sasha131: yes\

Sasha131: he's an ass.  he used to be a project manager.  now he's in qa.\

	and everyone hates him\

Sasha131: it's just so funny that his name is "that bitch"\

scrawllins: yeah, that is highly amusing.i enjoyed the part about\

	breathing\

Sasha131: yes.  and they say stuff like "i bet his heart is pumping blood\

	right now"\

 --Nicole and her\

 coworkers\

\

[Deviance] Libra: Ass! (because I must say ass to scare Sophie at least\

	once per login :) \

 --Becky\

\

oh!! did i tell you about my horrible, incorrigible\

crush on my ASL teacher??? it's awful. i can't even\

begin to explain, but i'll try...first, she's gotta be\

in her late forties to early fifties, so even the\

possibility of our getting together would be ruined by\

the fact that everyone would call her a cradle robber.\

secondly, and more importantly, she's straight. and\

married. and she has 5 kids. but they're grown. and\

she has a goat.\

 --Jaele, via email\

\

I am so an existentialist, bitch!\

 --If anyone knows who this is by,\

 please email me\

\

16. Female characters are not entitled to help any more than male\

 characters.\

 --One of the ground rules of a \

 MUD I occasionally frequent\

\

yrollins: ces dialogues \'88 2 ou 3 niveaux me tuent; c'est comme des fugues \'88 2 ou 3\

	voix de Bach\

 --My mother, commenting on AIM and how\

 one generally has 2 or 3 conversational
\

 threads
\

("these dialogues on 2 or 3 levels kill me; it's like 2 or 3-voice Bach fugues.)\

\

[Powerporn] Andromeda: Snobs!\

[Powerporn] Andromeda: My two favorite ones, but still.  :)\

[Powerporn] Quasar: Excuse me?\

[Powerporn] Quasar: Do I have to bitch-slap your sorry ass?\

[Powerporn] Andromeda: Would you?  Just my ass, though.\

 --Donna, angry at Mark\

 and myself for talking on another channel\

\

Sasha131: i am like some little sority chick that people pay to get fucked up so they\

	can sleep with her.  only no one is sleeping with me.  heh.\

 --Nicole on freeloading\

\

[BleepIt] Andromeda: I mean, I wouldn't classify myself as completely normal, but I\

	don't have even the shallowest desire to make out with a donkey.\

 --Donna\

\

[BleepIt] Sirius (to Rigel): How do you respond to that?  I have nothing to say now.\

 --Dennis, right after the above quote\

\

[BleepIt] Sirius somehow can't picture Soph in high heels as Stiletto Lesbian \

	Stormtrooper. :)\

[BleepIt] Rigel LOl. god., what a frightening thought. Sophie the Lipstick Lesbian.\

[BleepIt] Rigel: not that Sophie the Baby Dyke wouldn't be equally frightening.\

[BleepIt] Sirius (to Rigel): My head just exploded.  I hope you're happy. :)\

 --Dennis and myself, in a discussion\

 about height (and high heels)\

\

[Closet] Rigel: anyone working on their doctorate is automatically incredibly cool. \

*smacks "incredibly cool" sticker on you*\

[Closet] Quasar shows off his sticker proudly.\

[Closet] Rigel: oh! i hit 105 pages of my book today.\

[Closet] Quasar smacks you.  Go into academia!\

[Closet] Quasar: Ooh!  Congrats!  That's awesome.\

[Closet] Rigel: there are things i would love about academia. but i'd never geta phd.\

	i'm  much too flakey. i could never concentrate on it long enough.\

[Closet] Quasar looks disapproving.\

[Closet] Rigel: you can get yours for all those of us who are too flakey ;)\

[Closet] Quasar: Yeah, I sometimes wonder why I'm doing this to myself.\

[Closet] Rigel: cuz it's incredibly cool?\

[Closet] Quasar: OK!  I'll be the flakiness posterboy.\

[Closet] Quasar: So I can impress people at parties and pick up hot men.\

[Closet] Rigel: we can all share in your non-flakiness.\

[Closet] Rigel: and i can be one of those annoying ppl who says, "oh yes, i've been \

	talking to publishers about my novel", even if its not true\

[Closet] Quasar: yes!  We'll both wear black and cool sunglasses and lounge about \

	drinking martinis.\

[Closet] Rigel: that would so rock.\

[Closet] Rigel: only my martinis would have to secretely be shirley temples, or i\

	would  start acting really silly.\

[Closet] Quasar nods sagely.  We can arrange that.\

[Closet] Rigel: and we can both be cooler-than-thou in a hip intellectual kind of\

	way.\

[Closet] Quasar: Of course.  We'll treat people with condescending contempt.\

[Closet] Rigel: and we'll have to wear black turtleneck sweaters.\

[Closet] Rigel: and i can declaim dadaist poetry in a bored voice while you talk\

	about  your latest artcicle.\

[Closet] Quasar: Mais oui.  Ooh, and talk to each other in foreign languages...even\

	if we  make them up...and then laugh really loudly at some joke.\

[Closet] Rigel: i can be like, lesbian intelligentsia bitch from hell.\

[Closet] Rigel LOL!\

[Closet] Quasar LOL.\

[Closet] Rigel: i can be part of the cliterati. i'm not making up that word.\

[Closet] Quasar: Ohmigod!  How awful.\

[Closet] Rigel: i know, isn't it?\

[Closet] Rigel: it made me giggle hysterically when i first saw it, though.\

[Closet] Quasar: And I'll be part of the, um, foreskinerati?  Ugh.\

v[Closet] Rigel: i don't think it translates to male genitalia very\

well...\

[Closet] Quasar: You lesbian feminist intelligentsia bitches have way too much time\

	on your hands.\

[Closet] Rigel: that's not all we... um, never mind.\

[Closet] Rigel: you so bring out the worst in me.\

[Closet] Rigel: oh god, i sound like fritz!\

[Closet] Rigel: we should speak to each other in nothing but pomobabble, so we'll\

	sound  really smart and hip and no one will understand us except jean baudrillard,\

	who lives in paris anyway.\

[Closet] Quasar giggles madly.  Yes!\

[Closet] Rigel: and everyone will love us and flock around us!\

[Closet] Quasar: Yes!  We'll be gods!\

[Closet] Rigel: like andy warhol!\

[Closet] Rigel: we can collaborate on odd art projects that will seem right on the\

	pulse of america\

[Closet] Rigel: and make perfectly-timed appearances on nighttime talk shows\

[Closet] Rigel: and talk about bringing postmodernism to the masses\

[Closet] Quasar giggles!\

[Closet] Quasar: Everyone will adore us.  I'm so excited.\

[Closet] Rigel: yes. it would be so cool. hurry up and get your degree!\

[Closet] Quasar does so.\

[Closet] Rigel: i'll have to lose weight. you have to be rail-thin to give the \

	appropriate haggard-intellectual look.\

[Closet] Quasar: Crap.  I'll never be able to do that.\

[Closet] Rigel: well, maybe we can pass on it.\

[Closet] Rigel: we can start a new trend! normal-looking intellectual types in black \

	sweaters!\

[Closet] Quasar: I'm going to love my flab as a political statement, dammit.\

[Closet] Rigel: yes! we can write a manifesto!\

[Closet] Quasar: We can call is 'Das Flabital'!\

[Closet] Rigel ROTFL\

[Closet] Rigel: i should be planifying this\

[Closet] Quasar giggles insanely.\

[Closet] Rigel: we can also publish the plan as part of our manifesto.\

[Closet] Quasar: Yes.\

[Closet] Rigel: and you can write like, very erudtie commentary on it.\

[Closet] Rigel: and publish it in all the best journals.\

[Closet] Quasar: Um, yes.  I'll do my best.\

[Closet] Rigel: then we can give like, seminars packed with people in all the best \

	universities.\

[Closet] Rigel: of course, there would have to be free martinis.\

[Closet] Quasar: Oh yes, naturally.\

[Closet] Quasar starts laughing insanely to himself.  "The name's Derv.  Whore Derv."\

[Closet] Quasar: That was random.  Sorry.  It just made me giggle uncontrollably.\

[Closet] Rigel ROTFL\

[Closet] Rigel: Professor Derv, can you help me with my paper?\

[Closet] Quasar: Why yes, of course.  Let me finish blowing my client first.\

[Closet] Rigel: Oooh, ok. I'll just sit here and write another few paragraphs on\

	virtual representations of the G-spot in Plato's Ethics.\

[Closet] Quasar LOL.\

[Closet] Quasar: Whore Derv, Professor-Slut Extraordinaire!\

[Closet] Rigel: You know, the Republic was actually just an allegory for\

	interrelational gender modes in meta-textual existence.\

[Closet] Rigel: (ok, that didn't even sound vaguely convincing. sigh!)\

[Closet] Quasar: Nice use of big words, though.\

[Closet] Rigel: Thank you. I try. I have a certification in that, you know. *shows \

	certification*\

[Closet] Quasar: Excuse me?  This is a license to carry concealed bondage gear.\

 --Mark and myself\

\

[Mirrors] Mark, a.k.a. Nuada says, "What's with the snide questions? Huh??"\

[Mirrors] Mark, a.k.a. Nuada sobs and admits it. /I/ am Mierin!\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "You bitch!"\

[Mirrors] Mark, a.k.a. Nuada gasps, then slaps Jenn.\

[Mirrors] Fritz, aka Telaera laughs!!!\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos laughs!\

[Mirrors] Israfel says, "ok, break it up! break it up!"\

[Mirrors] Israfel holds Mark and Jenn apart.\

 --Mark and Jenn,\

 upon my asking snide questions about\

 another character\

\

[Deviance] Zosma: It's Mark's birthday.  Spank him if you see him\

[Deviance] Merienne (to Zosma): Don't you dare touch his butt.\

[Deviance] Zosma (to Merienne): He'd thank us for whipping his butt into shape :)\

[Deviance] Merienne (to Zosma): It's IN shape. That's why it's worshipped.\

[Deviance] Rigel: mark's butt is worshipped? did i miss something?\

[Deviance] Libra: You've missed a LOT of discussion abotu Mark's butt :)\

[Deviance] Rigel: somehow, i'm glad.\

[Deviance] Regulus: Worship the Butt!\

[Deviance] Eridanus refrains from discussing Mark's butt.\

[Deviance] Moon: You missed my @wall last night on Aether about his butt and his \

	birthday :)\

[Deviance] Eridanus especially refrains from worshipping it.\

[Deviance] Libra: Ooo, repeat for all :)\

[Deviance] Regulus: Yes, do repeat. :)\

[Deviance] Moon doesn't remember it word for word, but it was something like: Hey \

	everyone deliver a big ole spam sandwich of happy birthday to the duke of the\

	derierre,  the baron of the backside, the prince of the posterior, our own\

	fishie wiz, Nuada!\

 --Brian, Pamela, me, Becky, Jeff, Levi, 
\

 and Jenn. This is what we talk about when
\

 Mark isn't around.\

\

[Deviance] Rigel: ahhh. welcome to the plan, Pamela Shaw ;)\

[Deviance] Merienne aiee.\

[Deviance] Regulus cheers for Pamela!\

[Deviance] Merienne feels like she just lost her virginity or something.\

[Deviance] Merienne: . o O ( And why do I feel THAT will go on the .plan too? )\

[Deviance] Zosma is being nice today and so doesn't say a thing.\

[Deviance] Libra grins. Dont' worry, it will. There's a whole bunch of meta-plan plan \

	quotes :)\

[Deviance] Merienne: Time to split. And thank you, Brian. :)\

[Deviance] Eridanus (to Merienne): Don't worry... you could have gone in for saying\

	you  just saved the day with your bionic ass.  It can always be worse.  Bye!\

 --Pamela, Jeff, Brian,\

 Becky, Levi\

\

Sasha131: they don't have sarcasm in france?\

Sasha131: no wonder the internet isn't as important there.\

 --Nicole\

\

http://www.velvet.net/~ratty/weirdtest.html \

 --I don't know who wrote this. Hosted by\

 Tamera, though.	\

\

[Deviance] Libra is 13% weird, according to the Ratty Test\

[Deviance] Rigel: i'm only 9% weird. i don't get this at all.\

[Deviance] Libra faints. I'm weirder than Sophie?\

[Deviance] Rigel: yes. yes you are.\

[Deviance] Libra beams. I'm weird!\

[Deviance] Zosma is like 20% wierd. :)\

[Deviance] Rigel: this makes no sense. I'm the least weird!\

[Deviance] Zosma is like the most wierd, which should surprise no one :)\

[Deviance] Rigel: i'm just offended that i'm the least weird.\

[Deviance] Zosma (to Rigel): You've been fooling us all along!\

[Deviance] Libra comforts. Don't worry, Sophie. We still think oyu're weird\

[Deviance] Andromeda is 16%\

[Deviance] Zosma: I don't!  impostor!  Who are you and what have you done with\

	Sophie!\

[Deviance] Rigel looks horribly guilty.\

[Deviance] Rigel: I admit! I admit it! I'm actually her twin CHARLENE!\

[Deviance] Zosma aiiiiiies!\

[Deviance] Libra faints\

[Deviance] Rigel sobs. She was getting all the attention! doing her whole bipolar\

	lesbo act! she's always taken all the attention! but i showed her!!!\

[Deviance] Andromeda hmmms and feels like she just stepped onto the set of a bad\

	soap opera.\

[Deviance] Rigel: i try to make my life as colse to a soap opera as possible.\

	because without campiness, life is meaningless!\

[Deviance] Zosma: I thought without angst and sarcasm, life was meaningless.\

[Deviance] Rigel (to Zosma): that's campy, though. or at least it should be.\

[Deviance] Libra: No, I could probably live without campiness. And angst and\

	sarcasm. But without chocoalte/ Never!\

[Deviance] Rigel: But Becky! All you have to do is treat your chocolate in a campy \

	manner!\

[Deviance] Zosma (to Rigel): You have to make smores with it?\

[Deviance] Rigel facepalms.\

 --Becky, myself, Brian,\

 and Donna. Edited for length (yes,\

 I know).\

\

[Deviance] Libra sighs. This is goign to sound very bad. But what the heck, I'll get \

	more .plan points. This illustration is driving me nuts! I can't tell if these \

	naked people are men or women!\

[Deviance] Zosma: You've got to get better erotica, Becky.\

 --Becky and Brian, upon \

 Becky's studying the Bayeux Tapestry\

\

[Deviance] Sirius notices that he doesn't seen to be in any of the long group\

	quotes. Most of my .plan quotes are either monologues or short exchanges\

	with one or two peopel.\

[Deviance] Rigel: Huh, you're right Dennis.\

[Deviance] Sirius: Must be my antisocial tendancies surfacing. :)\

[Deviance] Rigel: i was too nice to say it ;)\

[Deviance] Sirius dubs himself the plan iconoclast or "iplanoclast" for short.\

 --Dennis\

\

[Deviance] Sirius, unable to stand the approbation of the channel, sees no solution \

	besides seppuku, and so messily disembowels himself to expiate his shame.\

[Deviance] Eridanus: Mmmm, chocolate milk.\

 --Dennis and Levi\

\

	Givant Haiku\

\

	5 years pass\

	Givant still runs\

	in too-small shorts \

 --Haiku about a Mills math prof, by\

 Ann\

\

[Closet] Quasar pastes a page he just got from Kennis, giggling: [from Old Manor:\

	Grounds] Kennis just stumbled upon a very amusing page called the .plan and\

	thinks she should never have begun reading it. I just began a pose with the\

	words There is just something... disturbing about the impression of being watched \

	appraisingly by a dolphin's gaze.\

[Closet] Quasar: [from Old Manor: Grounds] Kennis says, "That is your fault. You\

	turned my mind dirty"\

 --Kennis (via Mark)\

\

[Closet] Quasar: Hmmm.  I'm not gay, no.\

[Closet] Quasar kisses you passionately to prove it.\

[Closet] Rigel: oooh. well, i guess i couldn't be right about everything\

[Closet] Rigel: oh my!!\

[Closet] Rigel looks flustered.\

[Closet] Quasar ughs.  Wait, I guess I /am/ gay.\

[Closet] Rigel smacks you with a lawsuit.\

[Closet] Rigel: hey!!\

[Closet] Quasar giggles.\

[Closet] Rigel looks highly offended.\

[Closet] Rigel: dude. don't insult my kissing abilities! ;)\

[Closet] Quasar giggles more.  Sorry.  It's just, you're such a girl.\

 --Mark and myself\

\

[Closet] Rigel: i would like to note that i do, indeed, run like a girl.\

[Closet] Quasar: With, like, boobs bouncing and those childbearing hips making your\

	stride all awkward and stuff?\

[Closet] Rigel: gyah!\

[Closet] Rigel: you have such a poetic way of putting it ;)\

[Closet] Rigel: i don't think i'm well-endowed enough to be said to have boobs\

	bouncing  around :P though mom insists on telling me i have childbearing hips.\

[Closet] Quasar smiles modestly.\

[Closet] Quasar: Well!  At least you're good for something.  Now we need a\

	turkey-baster.	\

[Closet] Rigel: oh, and who's donating the sperm, eh?\

[Closet] Quasar gives you a steady look.\

[Closet] Rigel: that's about the only part of you that's steady.\

[Closet] Rigel examines her fingernails.\

[Closet] Rigel: (childbearing hips indeed)\

[Closet] Quasar: Hey!  Just because I'm a dirty lush!\

 --Yes. I know how weird we are.\

\

[Powerporn] Andromeda pokies Mark with a turkey baster.\

[Powerporn] Rigel makes Donna her personal bodyguard.\

[Powerporn] Rigel arms Donna with a turkey baster.\

[Powerporn] Quasar giggles insanely.\

[Powerporn] Rigel: kill 'im, Donna!\

[Powerporn] Quasar bends over so the turkey baster catches him in juuuust the right\

	spot.\

[Powerporn] Rigel reads that and just faints.\

[Powerporn] Andromeda: Ha ha!  Little does Mark know that it's a specially barbed\

	baster!\

[Powerporn] Rigel: la la la... i'm not here.... la la la...\

[Powerporn] Rigel decides to go psychotic and gets locked up in the psycho ward.\

[Powerporn] Rigel: i can't put this in the plan. i just can't.\

[Powerporn] Quasar: Soph, it clearly belongs there.\

[Powerporn] Andromeda: You should wait until you're back in the states so we can get \

	locked up together.\

[Powerporn] Rigel: but.. it's so... wrong!\

[Powerporn] Quasar ums at the barbed baster.....oooh, more friction!\

[Powerporn] Rigel: what Fritz said!\

[Powerporn] Rigel: oh my god.\

[Powerporn] Rigel: oh my god.\

[Powerporn] Andromeda: It's not a pleasant friction.\

[Powerporn] There's a large booming noise and a piece of Sophie's head blows off,\

	quickly followed by several of her brain fuses.\

[Powerporn] Andromeda: Well, maybe for Mark it is.\

[Powerporn] Quasar: /All/ friction is pleasant friction.\

[Powerporn] Andromeda: Well, Soph...  You armed me with it.  It's a French baster.\

	What  did you expect?\

[Powerporn] Rigel just nods stupidly, now missing a large part of her head.\

[Powerporn] Andromeda picks up the pieces and puts Soph's head back together.\

[Powerporn] Quasar slips on a piece of brain and goes down.  And not in the good way. \

	Well, unless a pantless guy happens to get in the way.\

[Powerporn] Rigel: oh my god.\

[Powerporn] Andromeda chokes!\

[Powerporn] Quasar beams innocently.\

[Powerporn] Andromeda: Wait, I'm not.  Choking.  That would be Mark making the \

	semi-choking noises.\

[Powerporn] Rigel: oh my god.\

[Powerporn] Andromeda: Oh no, wait...  I'm sure Mark's much too smooth to make noises. \

	Choking noises anyway.\

 --I don't think I should even comment this\

\

"I don't use the voice of Bart when I'm making love to my husband, but Marge's voice\

	turns him on a little." \

 --Nancy Cartwright, the voice behind Bart \

 Simpson, quoted at Salon.com 12-8-00\

\

[Closet] Quasar: You and I are the Vampires of Promiscuity. \

[Closet] Rigel: i am so NOT promiscuous!\

[Closet] Quasar: Except we're not getting any either.  Dammit!\

[Closet] Rigel: yeah! how can we be the Vampires of Promiscuity??!?\

[Closet] Quasar hmphs.  Fine.  We're the Vampires Who Promote Physical Contact.\

 --Mark and myself\

\

[Deviance] Marshall: Oo.. you're Anlaine, Soph? *sniffle* Tricking me like that.\

[Deviance] Rigel eeps! i no trick anyone!\

[Deviance] Marshall: playing me for a fool, I tell you! Getting me to spill all my \

	secrets when I think you're someone else!\

[Deviance] Rigel laughs!\

[Deviance] Marshall: and laughing at me! Oh woe is me. Oh woe, oh woe. ..... I said,\

	Oh WOE! *kicks stereo... violin music starts to play* There.\

 --Jordan, feeling melodramatic	\

\

"If you get an implant, can I feel it?"\

 --Gia, to my\

 mastectomy-expecting mother\

\

"... mmm... prostitution..."\

 --Mark, quite randomly,\

 in a conversation about asylums\

\

"Yay, Rome, yay! Orgy!"\

 --Mark in a conversation	\

 about how we're all really Romans\

\

"Speaking of euphemisms for pussy..."\

 --Nicole in the course of\

 conversation (how often can I say\

 "conversation"?)\

\

"I didn't think I'd ever be talking about this... monkey lesbian sex."\

 --Kirsten, in a restaurant\

 \

http://devrandom.net/~aidan/frenchplan.html\

 --Danica's .plan, in French \

\

[Deviance] Rigel: so how much are you allowed to pad before your resume gets \

	dishonest??\

[Deviance] Zosma (to Rigel): You were not the assistant to the President of\

	France.\

[Deviance] Rigel: but i went by the house of his mistress once!\

[Deviance] Zosma: Ok, you can be the Mistress' assitant.\

[Deviance] Moon doesn't go there\

[Deviance] Rigel writes down: 1992-1998: Assistant to Mistress of President of \

	France.\

[Deviance] Zosma chokes and didn't mean anything like that :)\

[Deviance] Andromeda: You left out the 'personal' part.\

[Deviance] Rigel: i wish i remembered my SQL. maybe i can say i know it anyway ;)\

[Deviance] Rigel: Ok. /Personal/ Assistant to Mistress of President of France. \

	*waggles eyebrows*\

[Deviance] Zosma: Don't say you know it, say you have experience with it. :)\

[Deviance] Moon (to Zosma): You didn't? That's a first.\

[Deviance] Rigel: actually, that's what I did ;)\

[Deviance] Rigel: except i think i put "exposure to" or something.\

[Deviance] Zosma makes Rigel close the trenchcoat.\

[Deviance] Zosma (to Moon): That better? :)\

[Deviance] Andromeda giggles some more.\

[Deviance] Moon: Yes, I feel ... complete now.\

[Deviance] Andromeda wonders what parts you were missing before.\

[Deviance] Zosma chokes again.  "Ok, no more soda near the computer.\

[Deviance] Rigel racks her brain and can't remember a single db call from sql :(\

[Deviance] Zosma (to Rigel): 'Hey, baby'\

[Deviance] Rigel hits on the database.\

[Deviance] Rigel: ok. we used to have these running jokes at mills about\

	sleeping with dbs...\

[Deviance] Rigel: (see the .plan)\

[Deviance] Zosma bets they were relational dbs :)\

[Deviance] Rigel: i sooo want to be a dba when i grow up. it's sick!\

[Deviance] Rigel: yes. i bet they were too.\

[Deviance] Rigel: i can't possibly have been using sql on an oracle db, can i?\

[Deviance] Andromeda don't know nothing 'bout birthing no db's, Miss Sophie!\

 --Donna, Brian, Jenn, and myself\

\

"They might bite you, but I promise they won't get any joy out of it!"\

 --Katie on her pets (Sada,\

 Mazzie, and the invisible dog Chism)\

\

"Well, it's not like we just started to get it on, cuz we didn't..."\

 --Jaele, rather randomly,\

 in telling me about the boy\

\

"and he's starting to not even be disgusting anymore..."\

 --Jaele, again about the boy\

\

[Aether] Rigel: yeah ;) i'm very gothic on the edges ;)\

[Aether] Rigel makes that a new alignment. Gothic Good!\

[Aether] Faera: Gothic Good: People that like to Look Bad while Doing Good\

	Things.\

 --Laura in a conversation\

 about D&D\

\

"Call him Daddy."\

 --A classmate, to me, in a dream I had\

 about composer John Cage\

\

"Every day is an alcoholiday."\

 --Garrison Keillor proposing a vodka\

 ad on /A Praire Home Companion/, \

 1/21/01\

\

"The only absolute should be in your glass."\

 --Alexis R, via Nicole Wilkins\

\

Cola likes her white people depressed and her blk ppl happy\

 --Nicole on music\

\

scrawllins:  ithink the adults upstairs are talking about how gay i am\

Sasha131: is that like a "yo mama so fat" conversation?\

 --Nicole
\

Levi [to Becky]: So you've got a medieval brain and a futuristic ass?\

aidan says, "cyber-ass!"\

Scrawl ponders Becky's ass\

Becky says, "nono. Bionic ass. There's a difference"\

You say, "aahhh. je vois."\

Zeitgeist says, "mmm...bannana...."\

Levi says, "I would say a bionic ass is pretty futuristic!  Especially one\

	that can save the day."\

Zeitgeist says, "is that like an ass of steal?"\

Becky giggles. "No. My ass does not steal things"\

Becky pictures a bad D&D item: Ass of Stealing +3\

 --Becky in a conversation about	\

 asses\

\

"Well, I have friends here. They just don't like me."\

 --Jaele\

\

Cola says, "um.  innocent is not a word i would use to describe you"\

Cola says, "just saying"\

Cola says, "i'm not bad.  i'm just @created that way..."\

 --Nicole, to me\

\

[Deviance] Rachel: Arrrrr! I be an ass pirate, me hearties!\

 --A friend getting in her\

 "daily ass quotient" (to quote\

 Donna). Rachel would like\

 me to point out that she had no clue\

 what this term actually meant.\

\

[Deviance] Dennis: I must say ass or I shall explode!\

[Deviance] Andromeda almost chokes on her drink.\

[Deviance] Rigel: Dennis, that's a transparent attempt to make the .plan!\

[Deviance] Rigel: and it worked, too.\

[Deviance] Regulus: THat was ME!\

 --Jeff in a transparent\

 attempt to make the .plan\

\

[Deviance] Rigel gets eaten by a werewolf.\

[Deviance] Regulus: Quick!  Drive a stake through her heart!  Or is that \

	vampires?\

[Deviance] Rigel: vampires.\

[Deviance] Andromeda: Silver bullet.\

[Deviance] Tolarra really shouldn't see comments like that while flipping\

	through the .plan.\

 --Vince during a\

 conversation about a computer game\

\

[Deviance] Rigel: I WILL NOT DO ANY ASS-PANDERING!\

[Deviance] Rigel: I'm sorry. I felt that required all caps.\

 --This quote brought to you by\

 Dennis\

\

[Deviance] Rigel: I will NOT make a double entendre. i will not. i won't. \

	that would be evil of me.\

[Deviance] Rigel ties a gag around her head three times.\

[Deviance] Tolarra stage-whispers, "There she goes with the S&M again."\

 --Vince making fun of me\

\

[Deviance] Eridanus: I've got a very somber ass, it takes a lot to make\

	it giggle.\

 --Levi\

\

"Pi-A-no. Vi-o-LIN. Bott-i-CELL-i."\

 --Yvonne, frenchwoman,\

 practicing intonations in English\

 words\

\

"I know now she's a pompous ass! She's drinking milk in front of the\

students!"\

 --Yvonne, professor, while\

 watching another professor give a \

 class on community-access cable \

\

"Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn't make\

me Madonna. Never will."\

 --Joan Cusack, /Working Girl/\

\

"It's not that I didn't try-- sometimes condoms are made by Firestone."\

 --Katie on becoming pregnant\

\

Ceres pages: I think it might be the wine, too.. drank it too fast. Tip: \

Never, never do dishes while listening to Korn and then slam a glass of\

wine. It's not dignified. \

 --Ceres, on her own behavior\

\

Porky: [After braining Daffy with a nightstick] "Oh no. I must've hit him\

	too hard. Say something! Anything!"\

Daffy: [Suddenly coming back to life] "I LOVE YOU, HORTENSE!" [kisses\

	Porky and runs off whooping]\

 --I love you too, Hortense.\

\

[Mirrors] Mark, aka Arius imagines ESPN Coverage. "Well, Billy Packer, it\

looks like young Timothy Jones has been securely tied up by yount Mistress\

Bethany." Billy: "Yeah, would you look at the knots in her rope work. \

That's some classic Japanese Rope Bondage. She's a real Leather-walker,\

bay-bee!" \

 --Mark P, imaging what\

 coverage of sports events at the \

 NC School of Science and Math (S&M \

 for short) might be like\

\

[Mirrors] Pameko! Smack attack! remembers someone ejaculating his seamen\

too. I thought that was a neat trick...and the answer to poor Navy \

recruiting.\

 --Pamela complaining about\

 the low-talent tinysex roleplay\

 rampant on furry M*s\

\

Sonya: "Boris. Let me show you how absurd your position is. Allright.\

	Let's say that there is no God and each man is free to do as he\

	chooses. Well, well, what prevents you from murdering somebody?"\

Boris: "Well, murder's immoral."\

Sonya: "Immorality is subjective."\

Boris: "Yes, but subjectivity is objective."\

Sonya: "Not in any rational scheme of perception."\

Boris: "Perception is irrational and implies eminence."\

Sonya: "But judgement of any system or a priori relation of phenomanae\

	exists in any rational or metaphysical or at least epistemological\

	contradiction to an abstract and empirical concept such as being. \

	Or to be, or to occur, /in/ the thing itself or /of/ the thing\

	itself."\

Boris: [Conceding] "Yeah, I've said that many times."\

Sonya: "Boris. We must believe in God."\

Boris: "If I could just see a miracle. Just-- just one miracle, if if\

	I could see a burning bush, or or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha\

	pick up a check."\

Sonya: [Becoming expressionless.] "We should go back downstairs. By now\

	the last golden streaks of the sunset are vanishing behind the \

	western hills. Soon the dark blanket of night shall settle over\

	us all."\

Boris: [Impressed.] "Hey, you've been going to finishing school."	\

 --Diane Keaton and Woody Allen\

 arguing about God, /Love and Death/\

\

Mark says "Sorry to be so idle....I'm about to screw over a drow Matron\

	Mother and get her eaten by a huge demon." \

 --Mark and what he does in\

 /real/ life\

\

You say "we could make everyone take names ending in 'el'"\

You say "except you know 'real' ppl like lucifer and metatron and so\

	forth" \

Constantine says "I shall be Sparkel! The angel-stripper." \

 --Mark in a conversation\

 about making a game based on \

 Paradise Lost\

\

[Closet] Quasar: You're very archlike.  You know, tall and curvy and supportive. \

[Closet] Rigel LOL. \

[Closet] Rigel adjusts the globe across her shoulders. Just call me Atlas. \

[Closet] Quasar admires your muscles. \

[Closet] Quasar: I wanna feel. ..... Oops.  Um, I kinda knocked the globe onto\

	the floor. \

[Closet] Rigel looks at you suspiciously. What are you /doing/?? \

[Closet] Rigel: you weirdo! \

[Closet] Rigel: sheesh. my nice new globe that zeus gave me. \

[Closet] Rigel: markie, we have a very weird friendship. \

[Closet] Rigel: i just thought i'd share. \

[Closet] Quasar: But that's what makes us so special. \

[Closet] Rigel: well, sure. i didn't say the opposite \

[Closet] Quasar: Besides, that globe was totally overrated.  Zeus just likes\

	having big strong men hold his balls for him. \

 --Mark and myself in \

 a conversation about archwizzing \

 (running a MOO)\

\

"Oh drat these computers. They're so naughty and so complex. [Stamps\

foot.] I could pinch them."\

 --Marvin the Martian, 'Duck\

 Dodgers and the return of the\

 24th 1/2 Century'\

\

The Boy With Immovable Hair\

 --Don't ask me.\

\

"They even had a string for the divine diety. It's called the g string."\

 --Adams, talking about \

 superstring theory\

\

Satan has connected. \

Satan dances around you waving his pitchfork, then trips over it, falling on his\

face with a girlish scream.  Sobbing piteously, the Prince of Darkness picks\

himself up off the ground, wiping some snot from his infernal goatee and sniffling,\

before clearing his throat and attempting to look menacing and sinister once more.\

The effect, however, is somewhat spoiled when he bends down to tie a shoelace and\

somehow gets his own head wedged up his ass.  His voice, echoing faintly, emerges\

from the dark nether reaches to intone mournfully, "God always told me I could kiss\

my own ass....but I never believed Him."  A small pause is followed by, "Um....is\

there anyone out there?  A little help here?  A crowbar, perhaps?  Hello?  My ass\

is actually much deeper than I expected and I'm having a little trouble getting\

myself out....." \

Satan bows grandly, narrowly avoiding another embarrassing proctological incident.\

"Thank you!  You've been great!  I'll be here all week!" \

Satan says, "I should never be left alone like this.  Look what happens.  I blame\

you, non-attentive friend!  Oh, woe!  Woooooooe is meeeeeee!" \

Satan sighs sadly and wanders off to tempt some folks into eternal damnation.\

Toodles! \

You hear a quiet popping sound; Satan has disconnected. \

 --Mark when left to himself as\

 I idle in the same room of the MOO	\

\

[Deviance] Rigel listens to an incredibly repetitive opera written by gertrude stein\

[Deviance] Rigel: sample lyrics: "my father's name was daniel. daniel and a beard, a\

	bearded daniel. not daniel in the lion's den, not daniel. yes daniel. my father had a\

	beard. my father's name was daniel." \

[Deviance] Dexter:  Youuuuu call that opera?  That is styupid. \

[Deviance] Rigel: eet ees not styupid. eet ees modernist! \

[Deviance] Rigel: yew are styupid. \

[Deviance] Dexter adjusts his glasses, "Clearly yew are too styupid to have rhealized\

	that modernezem haz gone the way of the dual-state semi-conducting transistor\

	circuit." \

[Deviance] Mandark: Ha ha! Hahaha! Clearly you have no appreciation of the amazing art\

	form that is mordernism! I will be able to sweep the world with a tide of modernist\

	thinking and the world shall be mine! Ha ha!\

 --Brian and myself\

\

Susan B: "It is a puzzle I am not puzzled but it is a puzzle, if there are no children\

	there are no men and women, and if there are men and women, it is rather\

	horrible, and if it is rather horrible, then there are children..."\

 --Gertrude Stein, /The Mother of Us All/\

\

"You should be a Simpsons character."\

 --Mingen, to me. This was the\

 nicest thing anyone has ever said\

 to me.\

\

"Oh no, uh-un. It smells too good in there. I'll get too horny."\

 --Katie, refusing to go to\

 Abercrombie & Fitch\

\

Guardian: What precautions should you take before entering the British\

countryside and after you've arrived there? \

\

"If you're taking an animal for a walk, you should stick to one side of\

the street. Never cross the street with an animal during an epidemic." \

 --Wade, consultant, Oklahoma \

 --Excerpt from an article in the\

 Manchester Guardian (4/13/01) in\

 which reporter Emma Brockes \

 interviewed American tourists\

 about foot and mouth disease\

 \

"All real women talk French, and powder their noses."\

 --Virginia Woolf in a letter to\

 Vita Sackville-West, 3/6/1928\

\

"Buying three six-packs does not cause demonic possession."\

 --Note on the bottom of a six-pack\

 of Cider Jack (I had just bought 3\

 six-packs). Ok, I'm easily amused,\

 so what?\

\

6 Wine in a box -- Well, we say this is a thing of the past, but in fact many people still drink\

wine in a box, in order to have a silver pillow left over to sleep on when they are finished. These\

people are derelicts. Not that there's anything wrong with being a derelict. \

\

7 Semolina with a blob of strawberry jam -- A pudding so rank that only the English palate could\

have come up with it, and furthermore, any outsider who had a heart would have stepped in and\

banned it. Ach, if you've asked it once, you've asked it a million times. Where are the French when\

you need them? \

\

 --Zoe Williams, excerpted from the Manchester Guardian, 4/20/01,\

 listing 101 things from the past we (well, the English \

 anyway) don't miss.\

\

[Deviance] Rigel: eww. when i reinstalled mandrake 7.2 i forgot to format the partition.\

[Deviance] Eridanus: An unformatted partition... how gauche.  I thought you had better \

	taste, Sophie!\

 --Levi. No idea why I found this so funny,\

 but I did.\

\

This Vita woman sounds fabulous. I also want to be her and perfect my\

manner of striding in and out of rooms. I agree about recreating\

Bloomsbury. I want to lounge on the lawn, sipping drinks and playing the\

occasional round of croquet whilst shagging gorgeous young men. Though\

doing all of that at the same time would be quite complicated, and I would\

simply end up with horrible grass stains on my croquet mallet-and-balls, and\

the decorative umbrella from my drink up my nose. Or so my computer\

simulations lead me to believe. Though there is a statistically-small \

possibility I could end up with a gorgeous young man up my nose instead.\

Frankly, I'm willing to take that chance.\

 --Mark via email, responding to my\

 description of Vita Sackville-West\

\

Mark says, "I'm really the world's worst grad student."\

You say, "oh yeah. the world's worst grad students go to hopkins"\

Scrawl smacks you\

You say, "you beer-drinking low-self-esteemed lush!!!!!???!??!?!!!!!!?!?!!!!!"\

Mark says, "I tricked them into accepting me."\

You say, "oh my GOD! did you sleep with the admissions people?!??!?!??!!!!!"\

You say, "all fifteen of them?!??!!!!!!!!!!!??!?!"\

Mark looks edgy.  Um.  No.  Not all of them.\

You say, "oh. only fourteen of them?"\

Mark says, "One of them was 87.  They were afraid I'd break both her hips."\

You say, "ooooh. yeah, i can understand that."\

You say, "did you send her flowers at least?"\

Mark says, "What with my vigorous thrusting and all."\

You say, "well, yes, i should think so."\

Mark thrusts suggestively to fully convey the problem.\

You say, "in fact, were you to /not/ break both her hips, i would think you\

	probably would need a medical check-up."\

Mark says, "I sent her pictures of me naked, actually.  She had a stroke in the\

	end, but that was after I'd been accepted."\

You say, "oooh, well, as long as they accepted you first. and the poor dear died\

	happy, no doubt."\

Mark nods sagely.\

Mark thrusts some more.\

 --I don't think I need to bother\

 commenting these things anymore.\

\

[Deviance] Eridanus: Those strap-on racks ought to work fine for long trips if \

	you get them strapped on well and have the bikes well-secured on them.\

[Deviance] Eridanus . o O ( Ha ha, she's got a strap-on rack! )\

 --Levi. He's had a lot of stress\

 from school, poor dear.\

\

[Deviance] Sirius laughs.  It's not so much that you look mentally ill, it's that you look\

	you're about to swallow a giant energy field and then shoot laser beams from your\

	eyes. :)\

 --Dennis commenting on a picture of me\

\

"It's a fluffy drink! I like fluffy drinks! With umbrellas and little fruits in them!"\

 --Becky at a restaurant in Greenwich\

 Village, trying to talk me into drinking Zima\

\

[Mrs White is talking about her husband's murder and denying she did it.]\

Mrs White : "He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a\

 great shock to him when he died. But he /was/ found dead at home. His head had\

 been cut off. And so had his--" [she looks at men in room] "/You/ know. /I/ had\

 been out all evening, at the movies."\

Ms Scarlet: "Do you miss him?"\

Mrs White : "Well it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life."\

Wadsworth : "But that was your second husband. Your first husband also dissappeared."\

Mrs White : "But that was his /job/. He was an illusionist."\

Wadsworth : "But he never reappeared!"\

Mrs White : "He wasn't a very good illusionist."\

 --/Clue/ (The first movie I ever knew by heart)\

\

Col Mustard: "There's only one admitted killer here and it is not me, it is HER!"\

 [rounds on Mrs White]\

Mrs. White : "I've admitted nothing!"\

Col Mustard: "Oh yeah? How many husbands have you had?"\

Mrs. White : "Mine or other women's?"\

Col Mustard: "Yours."\

Mrs. White : "Five."\

Col Mustard: "Five!"\

Mrs. White : "Yes just the five. Husbands should be like kleenex: soft, strong, and \

 disposable."\

 --/Clue/\

\

[Whoo! A blast from the past! This is a Mirrors of the wheel log dating from early May 00.]\

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\

Anlaine stands on her head.\

 \

Maeron casually smokes a cig.\

 \

Anlaine wobbles and falls over, then gets up and dusts herself off with\

dignity. "You know, Maeron, you really shouldn't smoke those things. Bad for \

your lungs."\

 \

Maeron flicks the cig at Anlaine with a slight sneer.  "If I want your\

opinion, I'll give it to you."\

 \

Anlaine flicks at eyebrow at Maeron, then snaps her fingers. Immediately, a \

stream of White sisters comes pouring out of every hallway entrance, and\

rings the atrium, arms casually folded. The White Sitter leans forward as if\

having trouble hearing. "What was that, dear?"\

 \

Maeron smirks and saunters a little closer to Anlaine, then leans forward\

and yells, "If I /want/ your opinion, I'll /give/ it to you!"  Then, folding her\

arms, she adds, "Did you catch that, Whitey?"\

 \

More White sisters bubble out of the hall entrances, and the ring of White\

sisters slowly grows as more sisters join it. Anlaine leans back and arches\

her eyebrows in a look of the sincerest surprise. "Really? And what opinion\

would that be, /child/?"\

\

Maeron looks thoughtful for a moment.  "The opinion I want you to have, \

Anlaine, is that you are nothing compared to me.  And this pitiful\

rabble...." She pauses to sneer at the assembled White sisters.  ".....is even \

less than you."\

\

A glow jumps up around every last White sister. By now there are about two \

hundred of them lining the atrium. Another hundred or so peer from the\

balconies.\

 \

Anlaine casually pulls a large switchblade from behind her belt and switches\

it on (ka-CLICK!). She begins pruning her nails. "Is that so, Maeron?"\

 \

Maeron lifts one hand and snaps her fingers, once.  Almost immediately,\

sisters from every Ajah -- including the White -- begin to step into view.  "Don't\

try to intimidate me, you aged hack," she purrs.  "I have resources at my\

disposal that you cannot even dream of."  A few Myrddraal slither into view as well,\

and Grey Men invisibly pace up and down.\

\

Anlaine raises an eyebrow as the warder sense of every gaidin in the tower\

goes off at the presence of Myrdraal. Several hundred Warders burst into the room\

and draw their swords; the Warders' wards come along soon afterwards. Many\

more ppl and this whole room is going to be more like a sardine. "Resources? Is\

that so?"\

\

OOC: Maeron exclaims, "Shyah!"\

OOC: Anlaine says, "dude :P they do have warder sense :P"\

OOC: Anlaine says, "sardine CAN. i don't think the room is much like a sardine."\

 \

Maeron steps to one side as a gateway suddenly opens, and all thirteen\

Forsaken pile out in the midst of a raucous party, complete with silly party-hats and\

annoying noise-makers.  Slowly, their merry-making (presumably a celebration in \

honour of being freed from the Bore) winds down as they notice the hundreds of \

insect-like mortals standing around.\

\

Anlaine snaps an eyebrow up, then shrugs, and snaps her fingers. Another\

gateway opens, and out pops a hundred of the MCs bred by the White Ajah \

breeding program, several of which at least are Forsaken strength. The Sitter\

shrugs. "It is good, occasionally, to keep secretes from the Tower, as I am \

sure you know," she notes drily.\

\

Maeron calmly pulls out a ter'angreal and tosses it into the air, before \

triggering it with a little bit of Spirit.  Instantly, the entire room is\

turned into a big ol' Stedding, and no one can channel at all.  Then she\

lunges at Anlaine and totally decks the bitch!  *BAM!*  Whitey goes down!\

\

[to Anlaine] Maeron totally blackmails you into being her slave.\

[from Tower Atrium] Anlaine ooooohs. what kind of slave? ;) \

[to Anlaine] Maeron giggles!  Like I'd want some withered White for a sex\

	slave.  Dream on.\

\

OOC: Maeron likes the desc. Except you have 'You see nothing special' at the\

	very end. ;)\

OOC: Anlaine grins, i know :) i'm silly that way.\

OOC: Maeron exclaims, "Shyah, whatever. Stop trying to pass your mistakes off as some\

	ingenious silliness, chica!"\

OOC: Anlaine looks offended \

\

OOC: Anlaine also looks really hot in that dress.\

	[*Note to the confused: Maeron was spoofing Anlaine here.] \

OOC: Maeron says, "Um, yeah...thanks for sharing."\

OOC: Maeron descends into wanton silliness.\

 \

OOC: Anlaine LOL\

OOC: Anlaine asks, "how did you do that with this char?"\

OOC: Anlaine exclaims, "Oh doh!"\

\

OOC: Anlaine picks her nose.\

 \

OOC: Maeron makes fun of Anlaine. \

\

OOC: Maeron is a poo-poo head.				[Now we're both spoofing each other]\

\

OOC: Anlaine is a smelly piece of poo.\

 \

OOC: Maeron does a little dance and sings in a high-pitched voice. "ooh ooh! \

look at me! i'm in the black a-a-ajah!"\

\

OOC: Anlaine likes to wear really bad 80's clothes, and secretly crimps her \

bangs, then laughingly tells everyone her hair is "naturally curly".\

\

OOC: Maeron secretly hoards Faith Hill tapes and Dolly Parton posters. She\

lights a candle to Dolly every night and cries while re-gilttering her \

three-inch long fingernails.\

 \

OOC: Anlaine has a poster of the Backstreet Boys hanging in her bedroom, and \

she likes to lick their little smiling faces until her tongue is all black\

from the ink. That's after she enacts a wedding ceremony with a manequin dressed\

like Nick (from the Backstreet Boys) and totally frenches it.\

\

OOC: Maeron has a spandex fetish. She keeps it well hidden, but every night\

she opens her walk-in closet to reveal rows and rows of spandex clothing, which\

she falls into in an ecstatic swoon, before getting up again and modeling the\

bike shorts for horny biking magazine photographers.\

\

OOC: Anlaine has a thing for condiments. Relish, mustard, ketchup....you\

name it, it makes her horny. Especially those little cocktail onions. She can't\

get enough of them. I mean, they're /onions/! But they're /small/! It blows her\

mind every time she considers it. Whenever she's alone, she sprays herself\

with mustard and hot peppers and then makes two giant dogs lick it off her naked,\

trembling body.\

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------\

 --Mark and I getting distracted while trying\

 to roleplay a scene between Anlaine (me) and\

 Maeron (Mark), both Aes Sedai. If you haven't \

 read Robert Jordan, don't try to understand.\

\

"When the novels of Charles Morgan were being a good deal read and often written or\

spoken about solemnly, she looked into one and was so exasperated by it that she\

threw it out of a window. Whatever the effect of fiction upon readers, its\

defenestration cannot be recommended. Bodily harm might be caused to passers-by,\

and although reviewers sometimes say they have been bowled over by a book, who\

would wish to be /literally/ bowled over by a novel?"\

 --William Plomer reminiscing about Virginia\

 Woolf, /Recollections of Virginia Woolf/\

 (ed. Joan Russell Noble, 1972)\

\

Prof Plum  : "Well, what're you afraid of, a fate worse than death??"\

Mrs Peacock: "No, just death. Isn't that enough."\

 --/Clue/\

\

"...just 'cause I'm so damn gaudy."\

 --Dolly Parton in an interview with Terry Gross\

 on /Fresh Air/, explaining why she'd be a drag\

 queen if she were male\

\

"Capitalism is our bread and butter, my friends. Malls are just the toaster."\

 --Nicole on her webpage o' doom\

\

[Galahad has come to Castle Anthrax and been met by Dingo, a beautiful young woman.]\

Galahad: "I seek the grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!"\

Dingo  : [slowly becoming aghast w/ realization] "...Oh no! Oh /no/! Bad, /bad/ Zoot!"\

Galahad: [confused] "What is it?"\

Dingo  : [in apparent horror] "Oh wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting \

 alight to our beacon, which I've just remembered is grail-shaped. It's not the\

 first time we've had this problem..."\

Galahad: "It's not the real grail?!?"\

Dingo  : [leading Galahad through castle to a room of beautiful young women] \

 "Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, /evil/ Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty person, and she\

 must pay the penalty! And here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment\

 for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed, and\

 /spank/ her."\

All    : "A spanking! A spanking!"\

Dingo  : "You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you may deal with her\

 as you like. And then-- spank me."\

Chick 1: "And spank me!"\

Chick 2: "And me!"\

Chick 3: "And me!"\

Dingo  : "Yes! You must give us all a good spanking."\

All    : "A spanking! A spanking! There'll be a spanking tonight!"\

Dingo  : "And after the spankings, the /oral sex/!"\

 --Monty Python and the Holy Grail\

\

[Martha Stewart and female friend are bantering]\

Martha: "They all wanted it."\

Friend: "I do too."\

Martha: [lowering voice seductively] "You do, do you?"\

 --Why it's fun to take Martha Stewart\

 out of context\

\

"I'm alone! I'm alone on de moon!"\

 --Bugs Bunny\

\

[Deviance] Rigel watches martha stewart.\

[Deviance] Rigel: oh god. i think i'm developing a vague martha stewart fetish.\

[Deviance] Alyndrea does the sign of the cross.\

[Deviance] Rigel: i can't help it!!!!!!!\

[Deviance] Rigel sobs in shame.\

[Deviance] Rigel: she's so... crafty!\

[Deviance] Alyndrea laughs.  "Just imagine her on a date with Bob Villa!"\

[Deviance] Rigel shoots Tom.\

[Deviance] Rigel: I'm sorry. I just needed to get that out of my head.\

[Deviance] Alyndrea: I understand :)\

[Deviance] Rigel: and she's blonde! and so.... soo... northeastern-repressed!\

[Deviance] Rigel: she can come spackle /my/ walls anytime.\

[Deviance] Moon facepalms\

[Deviance] Alyndrea: Naughty naughty :)\

[Deviance] Rigel: what?? what??? are you reading insinuations into my perfectly harmless\

	spackle-related statements?!?!??!\

[Deviance] Alyndrea: Though Russel Crowe can come spackle my walls any time he wants...I\

	guess you can have Martha.\

[Deviance] Rigel: you filthy-minded people!\

[Deviance] Moon sends away from a Vermont-raised mail order bride for Soph\

[Deviance] Rigel: ver... mont.\

[Deviance] Rigel smacks self.\

[Deviance] Rigel: Jenn! stop that!\

[Deviance] Rigel adjusts her nun's habit and straightens her wimple.\

[Deviance] Moon: What, would New Hampshire be better?\

[Deviance] Rigel folds her hands and looks angelic.\

[Deviance] Moon dies laughing!\

[Deviance] Rigel: mea culpa. deus io volt. deux ex machina. agnus dei, qui tollis\

	pecatta mundi, miserere nobis. kyrie eleison. \

[Deviance] Rigel crosses herself.\

[Deviance] Rigel: pater noster, hoc est corpus meum, pater et fili et spiritus sancti, amen.\

[Deviance] Moon peers at Soph.  "Dammit, the religious right converted her."\

[Deviance] Rigel cheerfully whistles as she prepares the machine guns for the next\

	abortion clinic run.\

[Deviance] Rigel: sine qua non!\

[Deviance] Rigel: ad hoc!\

[Deviance] Rigel: martha. stewart.\

[Deviance] Moon: I'll ad hoc you!\

[Deviance] Rigel smacks self.\

[Deviance] Rigel cringes from Jenn.\

[Deviance] Moon giggles :)\

[Deviance] Rigel tosses and turns in her cell, haunted by dreams of Martha gardening.\

[Deviance] Rigel mutters in her sleep. "oh martha... use the trowel..."\

[Deviance] Moon ooohs, "Look at that soft, moist soil.  Just sink your fingers into it,\

	smoosh it between your fingers and feel nature's goodness!\

[Deviance] Rigel: oh my god, JENN!\

[Deviance] Rigel is utterly, utterly shocked.\

[Deviance] Moon giggles!\

[Deviance] Rigel wakes up from her trowel and moist-soil-related martha stewart dreams.\

[Deviance] Rigel tries saying five hail marys and three hello dollys.\

 --Myself, Jenn, Tom\

\

"That just means she's had it up the butt."\

 --Kirsten, on Britney Spears' professed\

 belief in not having sex before marriage\

\

"What? Finding muppets in porn?"\

 --Heng having misheard me saying that\

 finding well-written fanfic was like finding\

 well-written porn\

\

[Mirrors] Pamela + Olivia says, "Jenn has an amazing design eye."\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera kept saying that she needed to rub up against Jenn to see if she\

	could get any of her talent to rub off. But it doesn't work.\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos grins at Donna. "So that's why you're flirting with me. You want to\

	steal my design-fu!\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera waggles and hops into Jenn's lap.\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel says, "oh my."\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "See!"\

[Mirrors] Pamela + Olivia says, "We wuv Jenn."\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "We blame you Soph :)"\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel says, "i was just congratulating myself ;)"\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel pats herself on the back and intones, "My work here is done."\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos dubs Sophie "Super L!"\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel gets a surprise visit from Melissa Etheridge toting a toaster\

	oven.\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel changes into the skin-tight red uniform with a big purple "L" on\

	the chest\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera says, "Are you sure she hasn't brought Martha Stewart with her?"\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "And knee high Docs?"\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel says, "Of course. Purple docs."\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel says, "Mar. tha."\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel hoards martha protectively.\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera puts Martha in her knee high Docs.\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos equipts Martha with a garden trowel.\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera says, "Amd her red plaid skirt, starched white shirt..."\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel pales significantly.\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "Sorta like Britney Spears on crack."\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel drops the toaster oven distractedly.\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera puts Martha's hair in pigtails too.\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel says, "stop trying to distract Super L!"\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "It is the evil army of the RightWingers! Striving to take down\

	Super L!"\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel pitches the silly uniform and changes into her holier-than-thou\

	crushed-velvet outfit, affecting a hiply bored expression.\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel destroys the right-wingers with the sheer strength of her rave\

	dyke vibes.\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera is wearing her dyke shield!\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "The Rightwingers hold up their super Bible shields and get out\

	the rosary whips. "back evil dominetrix, Thou shalt not destroy us!""\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "Ok, we need to make a comic book. :)"\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos dubs Fritz "Pixie Tree-Hugger"\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel snaps her fingers and is immediately surrounded by her personal\

	bodyguard of shades-toting silver-lame-wearing extremely hot (Ahem) no-nonsense\

	holier-than-thou lesbians.\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "Ok, we have the super lesbian and her band of stoic women, the\

	happy environmentalist. Who else?"\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel points at the rightwingers and the silverlame extremely hot\

	(ahem) bodyguards smirk, pull out the big guns, and clean up.\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel gets out a riding crop and casually smacks it into one palm. "Ok.\

	Who's next?"\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "The Rightwingers, overcome by years of repressed sexual urges,\

	explode"\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel smirks at the scattered bits of rightwinger.\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel smirks down at the bodyguards as they lounge at her feet, glaring\

	at all and sundry.\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos will be the NEA superhero :)\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera just wants to be the token cute girl.\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel pulls on her own pair of shades and beckons authoritavely to the\

	token cute girl.\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera says, "You know, the one who serves no purpose at all."\

[Mirrors] Pamela + Olivia will be the token CJ.\

[Mirrors] Pamela + Olivia smacks Donna.\

 --Jenn Pritchard, Donna Young, Pamela Shaw, myself.\

 I was bored. They were bored. Everyone was bored\

 bored.	\

\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel says, "also with shaved head i have "BIG OLD DYKE" written above\

	my head in 3 foot high flaming letters."\

[Mirrors] Pamela + Olivia oooooooooh, shaved hair.\

[Mirrors] Pamela + Olivia ooooooooh, big old dyke sign.\

 --Pamela Shaw. No comment.\

\

[Mirrors] Pamela + Olivia smooches you three. Love you all, I do I do. I think we should just\

	all get our heads shaved and meet in Atlanta to be Sopher's Big Ol' Dyke Extravaganza,\

	Hetro_OK.\

 --Look! Pamela's first triple crown!\

\

[Deviance] Eridanus: Only in your head, Sophie.\

[Deviance] Rigel: my head is the world!\

[Deviance] Eridanus: Your head is a gutter in a big city somewhere in the world. ;)\

 --Levi Pearson. He's awfully cocky for a guy\

 whose middle name is Gene.\

\

(13:08:24) scrawllins: i dont understand the appeal of toys that look loike animals.\

(13:12:30) Sasha131: nor do i\

(13:12:37) Sasha131: i guess they are "cute"\

(13:13:37) scrawllins: ugh.\

(13:14:53) Sasha131: *stares at hamster*\

 --Nicole Wilkins and myself in a conversation\

 about vibrators\

\

[Deviance] Rigel: www.plastic.com. ppl post interesting stories and then discuss them.\

[Deviance] Andromeda just likes to lurk.  It makes my day when I see a high number of\

	new sex stories since my last visit.  :)\

[Deviance] Moon laughs!!!\

[Deviance] Moon: I don't even know where to begin commenting on that one.\

[Deviance] Rigel: fritzie you're a pervert ;)\

[Deviance] Moon: It's the haircut.  It's so short that good taste has leaked out of her\

	head.\

[Deviance] Rigel: i resent that! i used to have a shaved head!\

[Deviance] Moon points to the .plan again\

[Deviance] Rigel: what about hte .plan??\

[Deviance] Rigel: he's just not as good a top as martha. you can tell.\

[Deviance] Moon smirks.  "If ther's a greater collection of bad taste I haven't seen\

	it."\

[Deviance] Andromeda just... doesn't...\

[Deviance] Moon: Not that I mind, of course.  Let me wallow in bad taste, as long as it\

	doesn't decorate my house.\

[Deviance] Andromeda: We have a pretty impressive collection of bad taste here daily.\

[Deviance] Rigel: oh suuure, little miss self-referential-plan-quotes-get-me-plan-points.\

[Deviance] Moon: Doesn't it?\

[Deviance] Andromeda: I believe she's lusting after that .plan Whore title.\

[Deviance] Rigel: i really need to start up a section especially for Jenn called\

	"quotes about the .plan"\

[Deviance] Rigel: Hmm. But she's already plan priestess!\

[Deviance] Moon icks!  "No way, there's more dignity in being priestess.  I would hate\

	to ever say I've become worse than Mark.\

[Deviance] Moon dubs herself the .plan's publicist.\

 --It's the self-referentiality. I have to \

 include quotes about the .plan in the .plan.\

 It's compulsive maaan!\

\

6. You're hearing crazy voices in your head. What's their purpose?\

\

a) To make sure I get done with my laundry before ER comes on.\

b) To control me, just like They control everyone who's on that frequency.\

c) Since I stopped drinking, I don't make hazy choices in bed.\

d) The spirit of Crazy Horse is ~never~ dead, and he'll repay the white man's treachery\

in kind.\

 --Polly Esther (Heather Havrilesky), /Filler/, \

 2/26/97, http://www.suck.com/daily/1997/02/26/. \

 It's about me! a) is about me! It's a conspiracy!\

\

Duchess: "Oh, Boris, you're the most amazing lover I've ever had."\

Boris  : [Flattered] "Ah. Well. I practice alot when I'm alone."\

 --/Love and Death/\

\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera says, "Tel's going to be the sleeping aroundest Empy there ever\

	was! Oh, and Jenn's evil dude!"\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "yea!"\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera says, "You got an evil dude? Put him on my list!"\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera swaggers up to him, "Hello, my delicious... I mean... My noble and\

	valiatn Schola protector. I need some help turning back my sheets. Would you mind?"\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera tickles Jenn's alt under his cute wittle chin.\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera says, "Oh, Damocles... I think my buttons are stuck. Could you\

	help me? *pouty look*"\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "Dam rips the dress. "Problem solved.""\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera says, "And Israfel... I think my ambrosia is... Oh no, I wonder if\

	I've been poisoned... Here, lick my lips and see if you feel faint."\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera fans herself, "Damocles, I like the way you handled the problem\

	with my dress. You've been reassigned to my personal guard, dear."\

[Mirrors] Jenn, aka Eos says, "Dam grunts. "Ok""\

[Mirrors] Sophie vs. Israfel says, "Israfel says, "Hmm, no, no feeling faint. I better check\

	the rest of you though, just in case.""\

[Mirrors] Fritz aka Telaera blinkies at Israfel, "Well, do you feel faint yet? Lick them\

	again. I'm quite sure you'll feel something."\

 --Donna and Jenn. Donna was referring\

 to turning her role-playing character Telaera into\

 a big ol' slut.\

\

"That's what you get for being desirable to dogs."\

 --Heng, to me\

\

(17:50:30) Sasha131: i discovered yesterday that aaron has slept with several of sean's\

exgirlfriends.  this both confuses me and amuses me.  i don't know how i'd feel about\

my freinds banging my leftovers all the time.\

 --Nicole\

\

(01:39:35) scrawllins: uh huh. "pure" cheesecake. that's what they all say.\

(01:40:24) Levi Pearson: Like, pure milkfat.\

(01:40:32) scrawllins: uhuh.\

(01:40:34) scrawllins: suuuuuure.\

(01:40:35) Levi Pearson: But very tasty!  Just like me!\

(01:40:40) scrawllins: hahahahahahahahahahaha!\

(01:40:55) Levi Pearson: See, I'm hoping to build this association...\

(01:41:50) Levi Pearson: Instead of being 'that quiet dude', I'd be 'that quiet dude that makes delicious\

	cheesecake, wouldn't I like a bite of that piece!'\

(01:43:44) Levi Pearson: I don't think it's quite worked yet, though.  No one's biting.\

 --Levi, talking about offering cheesecake\

 to eligible young women. I swear he's getting more\

 corrupted by the day.\

\

(01:52:28) Levi Pearson: See, I've got this shiny outer coating, but the inside is full of surprises!  See\

	package for details.  Offer not valid in some states.\

 --Levi reacting to the above comment\

\

(01:55:21) Levi Pearson: I don't think I've ever had a triple crown before.  I'm not sure I'm worthy of that\

	distinction.  I also don't think I've got that many heads... where would I put them?\

(01:56:23) scrawllins: that was a blatant attempt at getting a quote ;)\

(01:58:38) Levi Pearson: No, that was just a continuation of my humorous banter.  How dare you accuse me of\

	such a thing!  By the way, are these, like, manly king-type crowns, or some sissy tiara things?  There's \

	no way I'm wearing a tiara, much less three.\

(01:59:35) scrawllins: sorry. it's definitely a tiara. don't worry, you'll look very cute with a little\

	diamond thing.\

(02:00:54) Levi Pearson: Hmmmm... *tries to think of girls he knows that could be wooed with a diamond\

	tiara*\

(02:02:15) scrawllins: you could give them the tiara?\

(02:05:07) Levi Pearson: Well, maybe I could take the tiara to a jeweller and have it turned into a bunch of\

	jewelry.  Then I'd have all the jewelry I'd ever need to give to my fiancee/wife for the rest of my life.\

	Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.\

(02:05:22) scrawllins: well then.\

(02:05:34) Levi Pearson: Just cache it away somewhere and deal it out gradually, to make her think I'm\

	actually spending money.\

(02:06:39) scrawllins: how dare you use me for .. for jewelry??\

(02:08:12) Levi Pearson: Sorry to break it to you, but tiaras are jewelry too.\

[......]\

(03:01:01) scrawllins: niiiiiiiiiiight! i'll throw in another quote ;) \

(03:01:42) Levi Pearson: Awright!  Maybe I'll even wear the tiara for a bit, when no one's looking.\

	Couldn't be any worse than that dress I tried on....\

 --Levi, assuring his triple crown.\

\

"In this web site, the news are fresh."\

 --Sample description submitted with a French-language\

 website to my old cinema category at dmoz.org. (I'd like to note\

 that the cat required french-language descs only.) This sort\

 of the thing is the reason I eventually just resigned.\

\

"Look, I want to give the high five symbol to high tech... The truth is, it reminds a lot of \

people of the way I pitch horseshoes. Would you believe some of the people? Would you believe\

our dog?"\

 --George Bush Sr. in a speech at a Ford Aerospace plant\

 during his presidency, via a daily calendar of the 365\

 stupidest things ever said\

\

"God has a hard-on for marines!"\

 --The Sergeant, /Full Metal Jacket/\

\

"I wanted to meet interesting people from ancient cultures... and kill them."\

 --Joker explaining why he's in Vietnam, /Full Metal\

 Jacket/\

\

"I was born in France."\

 --Sinead explaining her homosexuality, /But I'm\

 a Cheerleader/\

\

"When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come."\

 --Samantha, /Sex and the City/\

\

"But I don't /want/ to have sex with a spider."\

 --Jaele, to me, whinily\

\

[Deviance] Stan: I wanna be evil, but I don't have the knack.\

[Deviance] Rigel: So you're the diet coke of evil?\

[Deviance] Stan sighs.  "No, I'm more like 'I can't believe it's not evil.'"\

 --Dennis as Stan, Satan's highly innefectual\

 older brother\

\

"Your dents are in your intelligence. /My/ dents are in my head."\

 --Bart, to me, on phrenology\

\

foundpoem: a dozen roses and a note that says i love you?  have you lost your edge, pomohomo?\

 --Eleanor, to me, on a bad fanfic I had recommended\

\

*** After this there be many a lost .plan quote (from a five-month period), eaten in a site crash in fall 2001. \

Oh woe! I've reconstructed as best I could., but some of them are gone, gone! I go cry now. ***\

\

"Yeah, after we've made her slippery for you."\

 --Jaele, muttering, during a conversation about \

 how she and I would get Mitch a hypothetical cute \

 girlfriend, after testing her out, of course.\

\

Mitch: "intubate, extubate, intubate, extubate..."\

Sophie: "not like /that/!"\

Jaele: "Wait, that's the wrong-- not /that/ end!"\

 --conversation occuring just after ER, during some speculations\

 regarding Dr Legaspi helping Dr Weaver with her oxygen\

\

(lost quote here from Mitch and Jaele. It was about drinking pee to survive in the desert. Now you know.)\

\

foundpoem: what kind of american are you?  the french kind\

 --Eleanor pondering my ethnic heritage\

\

(Woe! Woe for the lost .plan quotes!)\

\

foundpoem: well, you see...\

foundpoem: mommy and daddy love each other very much...\

foundpoem: and sometimes...\

foundpoem: they fuck like bunnies. sometimes.\

 --Eleanor explaining the facts of life\

\

*** The Inter.planum (which temporarily replaced the .plan): ***\

\

Me:      [Talking about Brigham Young] "And his many wives--"\

Eleanor: "Or `bitches,' as they called them in those days--"\

 --Eleanor, fifteen minutes after we met \

 irl\

\

"Sorry. I just suddenly got my groove on."\

 --Eleanor in early September, dancing \

 twitchily (while seated) in a pizza \

 place in North Beach\

\

So I've been checking out the .plan every once in a while, as your\

fiendish spying technologies have no doubt told you.  You're clearly\

spending too much time with this [Eleanor] person.  That's all there is\

towards the bottom, and it's freaking me out.  Where am /I/,\

Sophie??????  I mean, I know I haven't been in touch, but couldn't you\

at least make things up?!?!??!?! \

 --Mark, via e-mail\

\

[Here there be even more lost .plan quotes. Most of them from Eleanor. A \

couple from Nicole... um... I think that's about it...]\

\

"My groove! It's wrapped around my throat and it's tightening! Get my \

groove off me!! Get it off!! Get it off!!"\

 --Eleanor in late October, \

 jerking spasmodically in a \

 Meditteranean restaurant in Madison, \

 Wisconsin\

\

"Think of all the people who've snorted coke through those pennies!"\

 --Eleanor admonishing me on the \

 unsanitary nature of money\

\

"Y'all don't need these for birth control, do ya." \

 --Very gay female clerk at a \

 heterosex shop in North Carolina, \

 holding out a glow-in-the-dark condom\

 shaped like the USS Enterprise\

\

"I thought you were a woman, Tom Cruise! Why aren't you a woman?!"\

 --Eleanor, very agitated, while watching\

 a commercial for /Vanilla Sky/\

\

Me:      "I mean, this hobby would make a lot more sense if it involved \

 more--"\

Eleanor: "Sex?"\

 --Exchange occuring over cross-stitching\

\

"I hope no one reads this and thinks I cross-stitch."\

 --Eleanor, sitting behind me\

\

"Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this."\

 --Tony to Carmela, /The Sopranos/,\

 referring to a recent attempt on his \

 life\

\

*** end of Inter.planum ***\

\

"[She couldn't write a book.] I know her. Shabby old thing. Brushes her teeth.\

Like everyone else."\

 --Elizabeth E., author, speculating on what\

 people think of her and her book-writing\

\

Me:      "Iambic pentameter. That's when you fuck five times a minute."\

Eleanor: "Every /other/ minute."\

 --Discussion which evenutally concluded with \

 the definition of i.p. as "a ten minute period\

 in which you fuck every other mintue, skipping the\

 first minute".\

\

Dude.  I'm glad to see I have /one/ stinking quote up there, but does it\

/really/ bear repeating??  I mean, it's still /perfectly/ applicable to the\

lcurrent situation, isn't it?!  Yes, it is!  I demand more representation,\

dammit!!  There's just a whole bunch of lesbians, and me!  One gay man!  I'm\

all alone here, Soph!  All alone, with a whoooole lot of Eleanor to keep me\

company.  Oh, and a dyke with a glowing Star Trek condom, and an Italian\

mobster who's just, quite frankly, being rude.  And what's /with/ Eleanor\

and the cross-stitching??  It's just too much.  I mean, I'll /send/ you some\

witticisms if that's what you need.  I'll do it.  Cuz I've worked long and\

hard (ohmigod, I just said 'long and hard' in the same sentence...how\

deliciously gauche) at achieving the perfect .plan proportion, and I'll be\

/damned/ if I let you take that away from me!!!  Do you hear me?!?!?!?!?  I\

AM FAGGOT, HEAR ME LISP OUTRAGEOUSLY!!!!\

 --Mark, responding (via email)\

 to a viewing of the Inter.planum
\ \ }